Real People, Real Advice
Ask Deanna! Is an advice column known for its fearless approach to reality-based subjects!
Ask Deanna! is in Beverly Hills and can be heard every Sunday on KTYM AM 1460 at 3 p.m. in Los Angeles, Calif.
My marriage is on a rocky road. We married as partners and now we’re on the way to becoming enemies. My husband appears jealous of my success and he finds joy in my failures and tries to compete financially. I thought I was paranoid but he focuses on getting ahead of me and tries to outdo me in everything. My request for him to stop this behavior falls on deaf ears. We spend most days arguing or not speaking, and I’m at the end of my rope. Help!
Pam Tiggs (Durham, N.C.)
Your husband’s no longer the big fish in your small pond. He’s always been competitive but you were not in a position of upward mobility, so you didn’t notice. His manhood has been insulted and he feels he’s no longer the hero. You have to stroke his ego. Give verbal compliments, make him feel needed and constantly drill in his head the idea that you’re a team. After a while, he’ll feel like the king again and you can smile and keep it moving.
I dated a guy for three years. We spent time together, traveled and he occasionally stayed at my place. As far as I can remember, we spent several major holidays together. I didn’t meet his family and never stayed with him. One day he suddenly left town without telling me. I tracked him down by hiring a private investigator and learned he had a wife and kids. I want to know if I should appear on his doorstep and surprise him or leave it alone?
Anonymous (Online Reader)
When a normal relationship ends, you’re entitled to closure. However, in this case, you have a full stop with something called a wife. You were used and taken advantage of. You’re no dummy and if you didn’t have his home number, never met his family or been to his house, you should’ve known something was up. But hey, you were in love, sexually sprung and he always played with you when his wife wasn’t available. Count this as a loss, and move on because anything otherwise can get you seriously hurt.
My mother has always been true to her marriage. Now that the pastor of our church is single due to divorce, he’s paying extra attention to my mother and she loves it. I think they’re having an affair because she’s parking her car in strange places when he picks her up and there’s too many sneaky looks when they’re around each other. People in the church are starting to talk and I’m embarrassed and don’t know how to address this. What should I do?
Embarrassed Daughter (Whittier, Calif.)
Dear Embarrassed Daughter:
Although a man of the cloth, your pastor is still human and may sow his wild oats now that he’s newly single. However, you should let your mom know that her actions look suspicious and if she’s having an affair she needs to stop it or fix or end her marriage. If that doesn’t help, have the same talk with the pastor. As a last resort, tell both parties you have no choice but to tell your father and that will get things jumping or bring everything to a complete halt.