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Ask Deanna

My Father Is Racist Toward My Kids
Posted by Deanna M. on Jan 3, 2010 - 7:10:39 AM

Ask Deanna!

Real People, Real Advice


Ask Deanna! Is an advice column known for its fearless approach to reality-based subjects!


Ask Deanna! can be heard every Sunday on KTYM AM 1460 at 3 p.m. in Los Angeles, Calif.


Dear Deanna!


I’m married but often go on weekend trips with my friends.  My husband issued an ultimatum to adjust my schedule but I chose not to.  He threatened me and said he would leave if I chose my friends instead of going with him to his family reunion.  I went on my trip.  When I returned, he was gone, the house was empty and utilities disconnected.  He won’t talk to me and now wants a divorce and I don’t know what to do.


Tamara                       Louisville, Ky.


Dear Tamara:


It’s hard to imagine a girlie trip that’s so good it would make you forsake your marriage, unless you’re cheating.  Perhaps your friends can give you a cozy couch to sleep on since you put them before your husband.  Your decision was foolish, immature and disrespectful.  Reach out to your husband and invite him to a friendly location for a huge apology, an explanation and much needed counseling to help with issues you both obviously have.


Dear Deanna!


I’m an older woman dating a younger man.  Our relationship is happy and healthy but his mother has an issue because she and I are the same age.  Her son is very mature, we get along well and everything is balanced.  We’re starting to have arguments because his mother tries to interfere.  We aren’t going to make it unless he stops listening to his mother so much.  How do I handle this?


Rose Mary                  Dallas, Texas


Dear Rose Mary:


You handle it by not robbing the cradle and date men your own age.  This is still her baby boy and she’s simply not willing to accept him being with someone her age.  She may feel as if she’s being disrespected, you’re taking advantage of her son and most importantly, she’s losing him.  You and her son should work together and help her understand your relationship, become friends and if she doesn’t respond, then too bad and keep it moving.


Dear Deanna!


My father is causing a lot of pain in my family.  I made the decision to date and have interracial children.  He calls my children horrible racial slurs and makes jokes about them to his friends.  My family has now split against me because I choose not to go around my father or participate in things if he’s around.  Is there a friendly way to resolve this issue without causing more pain to my children and family?


Derrick J.                   New York, N.Y.


Dear Derrick:


Your father is acting like a racist.  He should realize that your children have his blood and he should be ashamed of himself.  You’re doing the right thing because no one including your family has the right to disrespect you or your children.  To make a long story short, your father needs a good man-to-man visit from you.  Firmly let him know you will not tolerate this behavior and if he wants to see you or the children he needs to stop this rudeness immediately.

Deanna M.


Cliffside Malibu




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