Ask Deanna
My Husband Won't Help With The Kids
By Deanna M.
Apr 5, 2010 - 1:21:51 PM

Ask Deanna!

Real People, Real Advice

Ask Deanna! Is an advice column known for its fearless approach to reality-based subjects!

Dear Deanna!

I have a platonic relationship with a male friend of four years but my fiancé doesn’t like it.  He has begun making hints that I’ve slept with my friend and accusing me of lying to him.  I’ve only known my fiancé for two years and if I had to choose between the two men, I would choose my friend.  How can I convince my fiancé that we’re only friends and that nothing is going on?  This is becoming stressful because I love both men and want them in my life.  Help?


San Antonio, Texas

Dear Sharon:

Your future husband is jealous of your relationship with your male friend.  It’s your responsibility to find balance as you seek to have both relationships.  Invite your husband to be part of the friendship so he can understand and be more open minded.  Also be mindful of your platonic friendship to make sure you’re not giving your fiancé reasons to complain.  If things don’t improve after the air is clear, your fiancé has issues you certainly need to explore.

Dear Deanna!

My boyfriend and I have dated for three years and I gave him a key to my apartment.  Now that he can come in, eat, sleep and go as he pleases, things have changed.  He doesn’t come over as often and when he does, it’s late at night.  I’ve asked him for a key to his place but he said no without an explanation.  I told him I wanted my key back and he said if I take it from him or change the locks, the relationship is over.  Was it a mistake to give him a key in the first place?



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Dear Tanya:

If his name isn’t on the lease then he shouldn’t have a key.  You made yourself vulnerable because he knows you won’t entertain anyone else since he can show up at any time.  He’s not going to give you a key because he’s not as committed as you are.  You should take your key and if that’s the only thing that can end the relationship, then you don’t need him.  If he refuses, then change your locks, make him knock on the door for a visit and keep it moving.

Dear Deanna!

When my husband and I were together he took excellent care of our kids.  Now that we’re divorced he has amnesia and forgot he has obligations of child support and health care.  Don’t get me wrong, I still care for him but now I have to go through so much stress to get him to help me.  I have legal documents outlining his responsibilities.  How long do I wait before taking him through the court system?

Allison Kramer                 

Omaha, Neb.

Dear Allison:

Daycare bills, tight clothes and hungry stomachs don’t have time to wait for daddy to grow up.  At this rate, your kids will be senior citizens collecting a pension before your ex-husband steps up to the plate.  The court order that he violated gives you front row seating with a judge.  If he has no sympathy or concern for his children’s welfare, then you need to handle your business and take him to court at lightning speed.

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