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Ask Deanna

Divorcee Still Being Intimate With Ex
Posted by Deanna M. on Jun 13, 2010 - 7:01:46 AM

Ask Deanna!

Real People, Real Advice


Ask Deanna! Is an advice column known for its fearless approach to reality-based subjects!


Ask Deanna! Radio Show can be heard live each Sunday at 3 p.m. on KTYM AM 1460 in Los Angeles, Calif.


Dear Deanna!


I want to share with the readers my secret to a good relationship.  My husband and I get along just fine because I stay in my place, respect him as a man, and provide my womanly duties of cooking and cleaning.  I don’t have to worry about him cheating and we settle our problems by talking.  Hopefully some of your readers can benefit from this tidbit.


Terri Thomas                                    Dover, Del.


Dear Terri:


Congratulations Miss Cleaver on your relationship that’s perfectly in order.  Indeed, two people in a relationship have roles that must be fulfilled.  However, what works for you may not work for others because people and their expectations are different.  Thanks for sharing and continued success to the both of you.


Dear Deanna!


My boyfriend and I have dated for three years and I gave him a key to my apartment.  Now that he can come in, eat, sleep and go as he pleases, things have changed.  He doesn’t come over as often and when he does, it’s late at night.  I’ve asked him for a key to his place but he said no without an explanation.  I told him I wanted my key back and he said if I take it from him or change the locks, the relationship is over.  Was it a mistake to give him a key in the first place?


Tanya                                     Online Reader


Dear Tanya:


If his name isn’t on the lease then he shouldn’t have a key.  You made yourself vulnerable because he knows you won’t entertain anyone else since he can show up at any time.  He’s not going to give you a key because he’s not as committed as you are.  You should take your key and if that’s the only thing that can end the relationship, then you don’t need him.  If he refuses, then change your locks, make him knock on the door for a visit and keep it moving.


Dear Deanna!


I’m in the middle of a bad divorce and I’m still intimate with my ex-husband.  Although we didn’t get along, couldn’t build a life or raise our family together, we were able to bond physically.  The reason we’re divorcing is due to outside affairs with other people, financial problems and marrying too soon.  I want to move on with my life, but for some reason, I managed to keep this part of the relationship going.  Am I wrong for doing this?


Worried Divorcee                  Atlanta, Ga.


Dear Worried:


Sex is the fuel for a relationship and not the glue.  If you’re divorcing your husband, you need to immediately cut all physical ties.  You’re short changing yourself by giving him your body because it’s obvious he didn’t respect you as a wife and won’t respect you as a homey lover friend.  Learn from your mistakes and if you must have a man, be a better judge of character and find one that will respect you more than your husband and keep it moving.




Cliffside Malibu




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