Dancing with Earthquakes
LOS ANGELES—Like any other Southern Cali native, I depend on modern technology. In fact, I have fallen soooooooo madly in love with modern technology, I want to marry modern technology. I want to whisper sweet nothings in its ear and hold hands with it while taking long romantic walks down the beach by moonlight, and riding on the ferris wheel with it at the Santa Monica Pier, and later enjoying a romantic dinner with it by candlelight and soft soothing jazz music with it for hours and hours and hours!
I think. I really don't know what all the rave is about. Really. Not having a car, not having a computer or not having a cell phone, (or even worse, not having a cell phone that doesn't look and sound like you purchased it without a contract) is the stigma of today's modern society. That is why for those of you seasoned thrill seekers out there, not having today's latest trends readily available to you in Crazy Cali is the way to go!
For example, if your public library is anything like mine, you will enjoy the challenge of gaining several minutes of internet access there. You regularly shout, "Hi! How's it going?" to the bubblegum snappers, or wave to the cell phone jabberers, or greet the person behind you tapping you on the shoulder every five minutes to shout, "Yo, Bub, after you it's my turn to use this computer," or, gladly step out of the way of the patron who shouts, "Hey, I got booked on this computer, too! I got written proof!"
To add to the fun factor, crosswalks are also beginning to replace skateboard ramps, as rising statistics are indicating that they are the choice spot for pedestrians to get run over, with motorcycles being the most fun and challenging of obstacles. The absence of video games also adds a thrill ride to everyday life. There are plenty of smelly swamps to walk through, and wide bottomless chasms to jump over, and onslaughts of bullets to dodge, and you don't even need the money to purchase the X-box, because life itself is already a fun reality video game to get pulled into. And the best part is, you are the main character!
So is it convenient to be without modern technology in the 21st century, you ask?
Well...of course, no.
But is it possible to survive without it?
You rearrange your fingers in a position prior to executing my death by strangulation, and ask, But is it possible to survive without it and not be made fun of?
Well, get back to me on that later. (Imagine me diving out the window.)
I can say this: after a long hard day of reading actual books and other materials that require my use of actual ingenuity, I race home to my sunshine-yellow Inspiron 1520 laptop, and slow-dance with it to "Reunited" by Peaches and Herb when I am certain no one is looking even though, in all likelihood, someone is taking a picture of me on their camera phone to warn somebody about the dangers of modern science and their possible correlation with premature dementia. Also, others who do not own vehicles are experiencing the benefits of exercise by actual use of their legs and everything they forgot they owned before new and innovative devices of 2000 began to pour in and promote American society's laziness. Others also do not experience the invitations to play "Chicken" during road rage, nor do they worry about car and insurance bills, online identity theft and Nigerian Spammers, and cancer from irradiation, to name a few, so it is becoming scientifically proven that life without reminders of the world and its corruption is possible, when you think about it.
So if you can find any ingenious way to live without the latest technology in the morass of Los Angeles, find it. Record all the bubble gum snapping and cell phone blabbering and computer snatching at your next library visit. After you have a chance to play your recordings, you will come up with a new demo for a smash rap hit single, then you can afford to purchase any fun technological device you ever dreamed of! (Including a private plane to anywhere outside of Los Angeles.)
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