Dear Lily
Divorce After 40 Years
By Lily O'Hara
Sep 17, 2004 - 9:06:00 PM

Dear Lily:
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I was recently divorced after a 40-year marriage. I tried everything to make my marriage work but nothing seemed to help and I have been hurt very badly. I would like to be able to have a relationship again. I need to be loved and to love again, but I can't seem to trust enough to build a relationship with anyone. Please give me any suggestions to help me overcome my paranoid feeling about trusting again. Thank you for any advice you may give me.

Afraid to love,
Betty

Dear Betty:

Forty years is a long time to get over. So many things stay in one's mind about trust, love and the ironic "Happily ever after" that you find yourself a little too cautious about letting go and living again. If your marriage just broke up, give yourself time to mourn your marriage and the man whom you gave the best years of your life. In the meantime, go out with your girl friends and have a good time. Don't rush into a relationship. In your state of mind, you might reach out to the first person who seems sympathetic to your pain-----not a good idea.

It will not hurt you to wait a period of time before trying out the waters. There are a lot of good men out there. Be very hesitant in choosing another partner. Don't give too much of yourself and you will find someone who is not only lovable, but also someone who loves. A good place to find a new partner is at church socials, dances, or volunteering at a charity or hospital. You may even meet him at a friend's house.
If you have faith, anything is possible. Spend time taking care of yourself. Try spoiling yourself by treating yourself to a nice cruise or vacation.

Good Hunting, but carry a defense weapon, (Smile)
Lily



Dear Lily:

I am almost twenty-one and when I am on a date, they usually want to go to a night club. Since I am not old enough and I don't like to drink, what could I say or suggest that would get me out of going to such places?
Men like bars and night clubs, but I feel out of place in those places of entertainment. When I say I'd rather not go there, then my date suggests going up to his place for a drink. I hate sounding like a tea totaler, but I dislike the way men act when they drink. How do I get out of these kinds of dates?

Sober but Smart,
Sandra

Dear Sandra:

You have good taste, but with good taste goes responsibility and a lot of truth in dating. When a man first asks you out, don't hesitate in telling him your preferences. If he really likes you, he will be courteous enough to care about your wishes. Never think you have to please a man by letting him tell you where you and he must go. He is there to please you, not the other way around.
You only get what you ask for and asking him to plan the evening and not saying a word to let him know that you have better places to go and other things you would rather do.
Take the initiative, and when a man asks you out, ask him, "Where do you plan on going?" If he says, a little bar that I frequent, tell him you have another appointment or date that day. If he asks you with who, just tell him with a friend who is going to the theater and dinner afterwards. No need to say it is a man or woman, let him stew. He will probably think that you would rather go to a theater or a concert, than go out with him. So the next time he will ask you if you want to see a movie, a play or go out for dinner. Keep refusing him until he makes the right moves, and keep refusing him if he makes the wrong moves on you.
Men love a lady that is hard to get.

Good Luck,

Lily



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