Dear Lily
Trouble with Son, Husband and Boyfriend
By Lily O'Hara
Dec 5, 2004 - 2:04:00 PM

Dear Lily,

I have been going with my boyfriend for three years, and I just found out he has been cheating on me. When I asked him why, he said that our relationship was not one of commitment, and he needed his space. He also said that the women he has gone with didn't mean a thing to him, except a one night stand. He says he loves me, but I feel so humiliated to think he cheats and doesn't care.
Should I leave him, or should I accept his conditions and start dating others?

Troubled in Paradise
Peggy

Dear Peggy,

Don't you dare give this man any more of yourself because he said it all when he said women didn't mean a thing to him other than a one night stand. You just happen to be with him more than one night. Do yourself a favor, and give him his walking papers, and find a man who is worth loving. Good hunting, you can't do any worse.


Lily



Dear Lily,

I have only one son and I love him too much. I really gave him everything he ever wanted as he was growing up, but now I think he hates me more than I deserve.
My husband left me when he was only seven, and he comes over to take my son out once a month, until he turned 18. My son blames me for the divorce and is abusive to me all the time. I am 41 years old, and feel so alone all the time. At his wedding, he wanted his dad and his dad's new wife to come to the wedding. I told him to invite his dad, and he did, but at the reception he told me to keep my mouth shut and not say anything to his dad that would upset him. Knowing that I have never fought with my ex-husband and not wanting to be humiliated by my son's lack of regard for me, I left the wedding. That night I got a call from my ex telling me that I ruined the whole wedding by leaving. Lily, I couldn't face any of them. My son doesn't seem to understand how I feel. Since then the only time my son has called me is when he wanted to borrow money to put down on a house his wife wants. I told him that I couldn't lend any money I didn't have, and to go to his dad for help, and he hung up on me and has not called me in months. Now I am all alone again and I don't think I deserve such treatment from either of them.

A lonely mother,
Laura

Dear Laura,

If I were you, I would look for a hobby to take up my time. It looks like you are too nice to your son and his dad. Go out into the world and find a life that will make you happy, you are too young to be so depressed.
You don't need to take abuse from your son. If I were you I would meet my ex and tell him to stop talking your son into hating you, after all it was your husband who initiated the divorce, not you. Join a singles' club, you are still young enough to start a new family, even if you have to adopt.  Get a better life.


Lily




Dear Lily,

I have been dating a man who doesn't seem to want to go anywhere with me. He says he is tired and wants only to rest and watch television with me. If I suggest going out for dinner, he says, "Let's send out for something"
We have been dating for over one year and so far I have only gone to the beach with him and for a long ride into the desert with a packed lunch he picked up at Burger King. I went along with him for a long time, but last week I was shopping with my mother and saw him with a very pretty girl going into a classy restaurant. When I confronted him with it, he said, "You're crazy, I didn't go out with anyone." He lied. Should I ignore it and keep the relationship going? I really care about him.

Confused and upset,
Cherry

Dear Cherry,

Dump him. He isn't worth the bother. Next time don't give your heart until you are sure the next man is worth it. The jerk is a selfish bum, that you don't need in your life. Find a man who doesn't mind showing you a good time.

Lily



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