Dear Lily
Dear Lily: February 2003
By Lily O'Hara
Feb 1, 2003 - 8:38:00 AM

Dear Lily:
I need advice badly before my son gets into real trouble. I had him after my husband was killed by a drunken driver, so he has never known any parent but me. He has a grandfather who encourages him to smoke, drink and have sex often, and no matter what I say, my father-in-law refuses to listen. My son is only fifteen, and very immature for his years. I have told him numerous times that smoking and drinking will ruin his health because his body is not mature enough to keep the toxic doses he takes from ruining his health.
If I tell him he cannot go out on a school night, he tells me he can do whatever he wants because he is old enough to take care of himself, and if I don't like it, he will move out. I have warned my father-in-law about encouraging my son to disobey me, but he won't listen.
I have to work so my son is unsupervised for nine hours. I was on the verge of marrying someone, but Tom didn't like him and wouldn't listen to his advice, so we broke up.

Please Help me.
Lonesome Sal

Dear Lonesome Sal:
You have to make this child realize that you are the boss, if he threatens to leave home, call the Children's Welfare League and explain how things are going for you. You can't let your young son blackmail you into giving him freedom that he is too young to have.

Your father-in-law is not your advisor or a father substitute. He should have learned when his son was run over by a drunkard, not to encourage his grandchild. Try reminding him of your loss and his, maybe he is too old to remember things correctly. I would tell him to butt out of your business or you will move far away from his influence on your son.

You should start dating again, and if you really love someone, don't let your father-in-law or son stop you from living.

Your son needs your support and no matter what he says, he needs your guiding hand. Do you know what friends he hangs around, or where he goes when he leaves the house? He might keep bad company. Find out even if you have to have him followed. WE MUST be aware of where our children spend their time and with whom. The wrong company will cause more trouble than anyone can imagine.



Dear Lily:
I turned thirty-five last night and I am a very lonely lady, but I don't want the kind of guys who are out for a one-night stand. I am not a woman of the 2000's, I wish I had been born when respect and love ruled the day.
I have been on numerous dates, but most of the men I have dated are either cheap, greedy, sex maniacs, phony or Atheists, with no regard for the value of life.

I tried dating men from church, but they don't follow the rules of decency nor are they morally sound. Where can I find a man who is worth the price of a shampoo and set or the price of a happy date?

I have been thinking of traveling abroad, maybe there is someone overseas that will meet my criteria.

What do you think I should do?
Home Alone Harriet

Dear Home Alone Harriet:
There are more women facing the same problem as you are facing. You have to really tune in to the men who will fit into your life style.
First, never go out with a man just because he is handsome or well-off. He may try to date you, but if you are too anxious, he will sense an easy date. Try to take a course in college such as Creative Writing or Psychology. There are a lot of good men who think of more than scoring and go often to a library or the live theater.
Try to go to church functions. Be friendly but not too friendly. After all they are human too. Volunteer to read for children. Nothing turns a decent man's fancy like a woman who loves children. Don't ever go out with someone from the Internet as that is too dangerous.

Never judge a book by its cover, that is dangerous too. Some men are on a power trip, you don't need that. You are better off just going out with your friends (If you don't have any girl friends, make some, they can get you good dates from those they know).

I find that you can meet the nicest people at a restaurant or fundraiser party.

If all fails, thank your lucky stars that you never met a man who could hurt you.


Dear Lily:

I am in my sixties and want to get married again. My family does not think that is a good idea. They say that their dad has only been gone for a year, and he might come back. I don't care if he ever comes back, I want a life. I don't want to be left alone to fend for myself.
Last week I went out with a really nice widower and we got along just fine, but when I came home one of my daughters and her husband were waiting for us. They told this nice gentleman that I was married and had no right to date and before I could correct them, he had opened the door and left without saying goodbye.

I was really angry with my silly son-in-law and daughter. They said they were looking out for me and didn't want me cheating on my husband. What in the hell do they think he is doing where he is? Heaven only knows what women his is seeing. I know I don't.

I told them to give me the keys they have to my house or I will change the locks and put dead bolts on the doors and windows. You should have seen the look on my girl's face. She looked like she ate a sour lemon. I have four daughters and two sons and not one of them understand that I need a life of my own. Tell me what I am doing wrong.

A Fun loving mama

Dear Fun Loving Mama:
Pauline, you are experiencing a Twilight-Zone moment in the lives of your children. Have you reported your husband missing? Why don't you sell your house and move into a small house in the country far away from the kids so that they have to drive a half a day to get to you?
Then take up square dancing or start to fish, which is great fun and you meet the nicest men on the lakes or rivers. Take up a class at a community college and have fun learning something that will enrich your life. Report your husband missing so you don't have to wait years to find him and get that divorce.
Sit your children down and tell them that you are not their worry, that you love them, but don't need them to tell you how to live. Then tell them to find their dad and give him a message. Word it so they know you don't give a darn if he ever comes back. Then live your life the way you want to, after all you raised them to be self sufficient, not to be your keepers.

Happy Hunting Pauline

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