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Dear Lily

Dear Lily: March 2003
Posted by Lily O'Hara on Mar 1, 2003 - 4:35:00 PM

Dear Lily:

For the past ten years I have been very ill. I try to take good care of myself, and I try to take in as much nourishment as possible, but I can’t seem to gain weight. The doctors keep changing the subject when I ask why I can't seem to keep the calories I eat. My friends who are overweight try to follow my diet and they gain weight fast. I have given up trying to gain. Do you have any suggestions? I would appreciate anything you know about this problem. Thanking you ahead of time.

Skinny Winnie

Dear Skinny Winnie:

You are one of the fortunate few who can eat whatever they like and not gain weight, the doctors should bottle it. My only suggestions to you are:

1. Exercise daily to stay fit (even those who are thin could be unfit)
2. Eat only three meals a day, and save a place for desserts, such as nuts, ice cream or yogurt. Eat a lot of vegetables, such as corn, beans and potatoes.
3. Try relaxing throughout the day, and watch comedies, while you eat. It relieves the tension and lets the foods do their job.
4. There are pastries that are nutritious as well as fattening; such as baklava.
5. Eat late at night, when you don't have time to digest your food and use up your energy. That is the reason most people are heavy.
6. Don't follow this advice unless you ask your doctor first, because this advice is from a woman who loves to eat.

You are welcome,


Dear Lily:

I am going with a man who thinks that he is king and I am slave. At first I kind of liked the idea of the strong and forceful male, but after two years it is really getting to be a little too much. How do I know if he really loves me or not? We share an apartment, but we do not share friends or family. I feel that he is ashamed of me, though he tells me he loves me and thinks I am silly to feel the way I do.
Last week his mother invited him to dinner and he went alone. At the dinner was a family friend his mother was trying to fix him up with. He came home laughing about it, thinking I could see the humor in it, but I was angry. When he saw how possessive I felt, he said, "Come on perk up, you know you are the only one in my life, and I don't want to get married yet." What did he mean by that, I am afraid to ask? Please tell me what to do to make our relationship more solid. I feel so lonely when I am with him.

Desperately Unaware

Dear Debbie:

You said it all when you signed "Desperately Unaware". You sure are unaware. Don't you know the signs of "Lust not Love"? You made it easy for him to have his own slave, so the next step is--Do you want liberation or are you satisfied being the hidden mistress?
This man is using you with your own permission. DUMP HIM NOW!!!! If he really loves you he will make an honest woman out of you, but only on your terms. A brow beaten wife is no better off than an unattached slave. I think you should forget all the love and time invested in him, if he doesn't toe the line, you surely can do better. I wish you all the luck you will need to find a place of your own and a man of your own to love.

Get a life, Get a love

Truly Yours,

Dear Lily:

I am in my thirties and have never been married. I have never found a man who was loving trusting and not self centered. How does one go about finding someone who is compatible and decent? I have been looking for so long that I think there are none left.
First of all, I have a lot of money, so most of the men I meet are so obviously gold diggers that they ask me out right how much I am worth. I think that is so crude and hurtful. How can I find someone who will love me for me? I am poor in love. Help me, Lily.

Rich little poor girl
Patricia from LA

Dear Rich Little Poor Girl;

Many wish they had your problems. But all joking aside. If you can afford to travel, go with a girl friend and see America. Don't be so eager to foot the bill when out with a man. If they dare to ask you how much you are worth, ask them if they want to help you pay your rent, if that is why they want to know. Never tell a man that you have money, because you will chase away the man who cannot support you in the style you are accustomed to and you will keep the gigolo. My daughter has the right idea about what to let people know about your finances. She says, "Never act poor and never act like a con artist's victim, keep your troubles to yourself and you will keep your fortune free." I think you would do great to join Peace Corps or some volunteer work. I hear you meet the most unselfish of people there. And by the way, never give out any financial information to anyone. We are having an epidemic of credit stealing.

GOOD luck little rich girl,

Dear Lily:

I usually don't write to advisers, but after reading your last column, I found you out of the ordinary. You sure speak your mind, don't you? You are just the person who can help me.
I have been corresponding with someone online for five years. We have talked about everything imaginable. He said he wants to come to California to meet me, but suddenly I am worried. He seems seriously infatuated with me, but I only feel friendly towards him. How can I postpone the inevitable? He thinks because I have a Beverly Hills address that I may have money. Boy is he in for a surprise. I can barely keep my rent payments up to date. I am an aspiring actress--I aspire more than I act. What should I do to discourage him from coming out here to meet me?

Shy Shelli

Dear Shy Shelli:

Be frank with him, tell him the truth about how you are a struggling actress and you don't have time for any romance and you would like to remain online friends for a little longer.
Or you can tell him that your boyfriend has repeatedly told you to stop writing to him, but you told him it was just a good friendship. Tell him you want to remain just good friends with him. If the man has a bad intent, the boyfriend excuse will cool them.
I must warn you that the computer is really dangerous. You are dealing with a lot of strange people, most of them nice, but some of them have been known to be criminals, rapists, robbers and murderers. SO BE CAREFUL. Never give your address or phone number to those you don't trust.

Take Care always


Cliffside Malibu




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