Dear Lily
Dear Lily: May 2003
By Lily O'Hara
May 1, 2003 - 12:10:00 AM

Dear Lily:

My father left my mother, my siblings, and me over fifteen years ago, when I was 6 years old. He has never supported us, but now wants to take me down the aisle on my wedding day. That is all right by me and my mom, but he also wants his gay partner to walk me down the aisle too. I don't know how to tell him that my future spouse objects to this without hurting his feelings. How can I tell him without severing our relationship? My fiancé suggested my stepfather fill the role, since he is the only father figure I have had for fifteen years. What can I do or say to make my father understand how I feel without hurting him? Thanking you in advance.
A sad three-father bride daughter,

Dearest Lisa,

If your father left you 15 years ago and has not supported you or your mother, why would you want him to walk you down the aisle anyhow? It sounds like your stepfather has been your father. A true father will not leave his daughter regardless of his sexual preference. Invite your father to attend the wedding but gracefully ask your stepfather to give you away, after all he is the one that took you from your childhood to your adulthood. Of course your love for your biological father is strong, but stop waiting for his affection, and start living your life focusing on those that have been there for you and love you... seems like you have a lot of them around you.
Happy wedding, Lovely Bride,

Dear Lily:

I am sixteen years old and am finding it hard to follow my parents’ rules. They are so old-fashioned. I asked them to allow me to go with my friends to a cottage for the weekend, but they said no, not if you do not have a proper chaperone. I am old enough to know what is right and what is wrong. Why don't they trust me? My friends’ parents don't treat them as if they are children. How can I persuade them to allow me more freedom?
Prisoner of the Stone Age,

Dear Monica:

You remind me of most of my friends and myself, thirty years ago. We also thought my parents were old-fashioned. Years from now, you will be acting the same with your children. If you want your parents to allow you more freedom, earn it. One way to get your parents to agree to let you spend time with your friends, is to ask them to chaperone all of you for a weekend. Let your parents get to know your friends. I am sure they will be more inclined to let you go off on a weekend if you are chaperoned.
Good luck, Prisoner of love,

Dear Lily:

I met this great guy last week, but all my friends don't like him. A couple of my girl friends said he hit on them, I cannot believe how jealous they are. Some of the guys I hang out with told me not to trust him. Ben is nice to everyone, so they think he is flirting with them. The guys think he is not honest. Why are they so against him?
How can I prove to them that he is a great guy? I have talked to Ben about their attitude and he said, "They are jealous of your luck, darling, don't believe them." I think Ben is right, but I don't want to lose my friends, what should I do?

Dear Confused:

I have a feeling that this man may not be above board with you. Sure, maybe your friends have their reasons for not liking him, but why do all of them dislike him so much? Stop and think it over before committing to this relationship. Everyone can't be wrong. This man seems a little too self-confident. Take a clue from your friends if you care about them, if not, join a new group.
Good luck, Confused,


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