Cardinal Roger Mahoney recently called upon his LA flock to live a day without food in support of the "aliens", "illegals", "undocumenteds", whatever are called the ones who cross our southwestern borderline in search of a decent job. But don't expect that many of his faithful actually endured the day without partaking of some fruits of that labor from, let's say, the strawberry fields, forever around Oxnard.
CHATSWORTH—The Republic Fence Company of Chatsworth may have bitten off more chainlink than it can chew.
They're reportedly this close to a done deal with the United States government to build a 40-foot-high wall around the entirety of the United States of America, from Yuma, Arizona, right across Katrina's rubble that sits yet on the Gulf Coast, on up the Eastern seaboard through old-school Bush country, Kennebunkport, the whole shebang. It would traverse our northernmost boundaries, across the Upper Peninsula of Michigan, then on around the bend in Seattle to snake down along the Pacific coast, parallel to scenic Highway 1, right back to where all the trouble started in the first place, Tijuana and that damned leaky border, imaginary as it may be, that separates Us from Them.
You think the Chinese had this barrier-building thing down? Ha. This new "Great Wall of America" will make that tired old thing look like a white picket fence in front of a little pink house. You think the Barbarian hordes were menacing? The danger this nation faces from the great brown horde pouring in here, raping our fields, pillaging our kitchens, slashing our hedges at will- or at minimum wage- makes the Barbarians look like girlie-men.
Of course, as with most aspects of this whole twisted immigration row, the truth is that the folks the barrier would keep out are the very ones who would be needed to build it because that daunting task in a lot of hot sun is just another in the long list of jobs that, as President George W. Bush told us, "Americans will not do." Does he make us sound like a bunch of spoiled brats or what? Won't even mow our own lawns or scrub our own stovetops?
Maybe it has something to do with the unlivable $5.15 national minimum wage he condones for most of the hardest physical labor being done out there. What we lack in calloused hands we make up for in conniving brains, because nobody in their right American mind would work for $5.15, even if it is to build the magnificent barrier that would forever keep us safe at night and selfish in the morning. So the Republic Fence Company of Chatsworth will have to visit the parking lots of Do-It Centers and Home Depots all across the nation to hire their work force, one that finds even our paltry minimum wage better than what they could get back home.
And that beer-bellied band of border vigilantes, the Minute-Men, will wink at each other and look the other way just long enough to let enough feared enemy in to build the Great Wall of America, then they will boot them out on their ass-end, never again allowed to set foot in the promised land, as their usefulness will have run out.
Why should America not be scared to death at the specter of great menacing hordes of the uninvited, unappreciative and differently-tinted, moving in from the outside and taking over? We have a great model to refer to. Ourselves.
After all, the great white swarm that poured into this land centuries ago just looking for a decent empire, must have been seen as ruthless, unrelenting and terrifying to the ones already here. Boy, do Sitting Bull and Geronimo ever wish they would have had a Republic Fence Company of Chatsworth in their midst. Or a sign-maker to paint and hang the "No one allowed in here with shirt, shoes or pale-face." What a world of trouble they might have avoided.
Yes, we have learned our lesson from our very own selves, and we will not let that sort of thing happen again under any circumstance, ever. Cue The Who. We don�t get fooled again, get it? Even if it was us who did the fooling, us who made the mess of somebody else's deal, we do not get fooled again. Especially by those guys to the south of us.
I must confess, just kidding about the barricade extending around the full circumference of the United States. Had you, didn't I? It is only slightly less absurd than a very real proposal to build a double set of steel walls along a 700-mile stretch of that southwestern border, complete with state-of-the-art surveillance cameras, motion detectors and floodlights that has passed through the House of Representatives with overwhelming support and a price tag of at least $2.2 billion, money that might be used more wisely in raising that cruel joke of a minimum wage. Incidentally, this wall-building bill was sponsored by James Sensenbrenner, R. Wis., the same guy who sponsors a bill that would repeal the 22nd amendment that limits a president- as in the current one- to two terms.
Edgar Allan Poe is doubling over in his grave. In his classic "Masque of the Red Death", a wealthy prince seals himself and a thousand of his ilk inside a magnificent castle to keep them at safe distance from a deadly plague that ravages the countryside and the lesser-privileged outside the walls. All the chosen ones inside, however, are soon felled by an even more virulent strain that has made its way in, masquerading as one of their own.