He Said/She Said
Casual Sex
By By Winter Kelly & Tim Stiglitz
Mar 1, 2003 - 9:20:00 AM

LOS ANGELES

HE SAID:

Casual sex: No clothes allowed on this beach!

Tim Stiglitz has asked me, Big Timah (pronounced Time-ah, as in Big Timer), to write this month since he is preoccupied with the California bar exam. Best of luck to him.

As I swing here, suspended in my hammock, sipping an orange creamsicle martini, looking out past the palm trees, and onto the sugar sand beach below. Alas, a scantily clad tourist is approaching me. Her hair, even from this distance, whispers to me in the cool sea breeze. Her skin is like an erotic cocoa, ready to be sipped and enjoyed for hours. This is no mirage, to be sure. Okay, casual sex, that is a ripe topic.

Casual is an interesting term. It can be conjugated as follows: casual, casually, casualty, causal, and causally. Allow me to demonstrate, while sharing my views:

Casual. I am dressed casual at the moment, and so is she. Casually, I make an "adjustment" in the hammock, as things are getting even hotter on this tropical day. My eyes trace her every curve as she comes closer. I know how to handle this. She stops near me, eyes lowered near my Tommy Bahama shorts, and asks, "Where do I find a good time around here?" Casually, I reach around, and tease her bikini bottoms a bit lower. I pinch, and caress, casually. She responds by gripping my chest. There are no more words. She is seeking a casual encounter, and I shall deliver, in the causal sense. In time, she climbs into my hammock, and soon, we become causally connected, entwined in our Caribbean paradise. To be sure, Big Timah has not been a casualty here!

Is there anything wrong here? Nope. Two consenting adults, beautifully sharing, burning calories, fueling their minds, and letting stress escape. Oh, wait a second? Did we become friends afterwards, or were we friends from the start? Hmmm? Let's see, I would say there was a meeting of the minds, before, during and after. And there will be more meetings. Oh, but will this preclude each of us from pursuing other options? Right now, this is the option, and we are fine with it. Tomorrow is tomorrow. What about protection? Sure, I insisted, and so did she. Got that covered already. Honesty? I think we both know there is nothing dishonest about what happened. We are single, this feels right for now, perhaps commitment will enter (and blur!) the picture, maybe not. This is not rocket science. Nuff said. This is Big Timah saying swing the flesh axe. Shabba!

JennaSkarzenski_casualsex.jpg
Jenna Skarzenski / Canyon News

SHE SAID:

"The Real World" does it. "The Bachelor" does it. "Blind Date" does it. Just about every motion picture including a love affair does it, so it almost makes you think it is okay to do it. It probably makes many think you must do it in order to "fit in."

So casual sex is in. Still?!? Even after we know about all the risks, especially the painful and deadly diseases that run among the sexually promiscuous, we still do it! Despite the lack of monogamy around town in L.A., one has to wonder, why people's hearts even become saddened when one moves on to the next willing individual to share all.

Courting

Do not get me wrong. I am not the ultimate prude. I believe people have the freedom to move in and out of relationships as much as their fickle heart desires because that is what "courting" is supposed to be about. However, why one must always leave behind every previous sexual partner on his or her current partner is beyond me.

Accountability

One has this 30 second desire (that will simply pass should they temporarily redirect their thoughts) to jump into a concurrent cardiovascular exercise in the nude. It is within that episode that one must be fully responsible and accountable to the consequences. Some may not have protection; thereby leaving themselves open to "the risks". Some may have thought that out, but then the risks still exist if the method of safety fails in one way or another.

Keeping The Guy / Girl

It always irks me to hear the typical chick-gets-guy-loses-guy story from my friends. They see a guy they like, they pursue the guy, the guy seems to like them back and then they go on one or two dates and boom my friend is crying about how she cannot believe he didn't call her the next day, the next week, the next month! I usually ask, "Did you sleep with him?" It is either a look or a verbal statement that always seems to be the same. "What do you think? - yes". I mean, you cannot tell your friend how incredibly dumb she is, when in fact she is crying over it. However, what was she thinking when she totally gives everything she has on the first date to some guy she does not even know. Does she think the guy will think it was the best sex of his life and say, "Whooppee! This is the girl for me!" I mean how much can one exhibit on the first date that will make someone come back for more when you have already given it all?

Guys: think about it. If a girl opens up to you after a date or two, how many other dozens of guys has she also been with, which means if you have been with her, you have been with them! It is pretty disgusting to think of all the people you will have been in bed with after just an hour of "fun."

The Risks

ABORTION. According to the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention's (CDC) Abortion Surveillance Report, (January 7, 2000) in the year 1972, there were a reported 586,760 abortions, and then in the year 1997, there were 1,184,758 abortions. If you ask someone that lived in the '70s, they might say that it was a peace, love, not wartime. However, in the more respectable families, it was very taboo to have sex before marriage, or at least to brag about it, and you would definitely not see billboards as we now see on Sunset Blvd of seductive poses and orgies.

According to the CDC, 80 percent of all women that have had abortions were unmarried. The highest abortion rate is among 18 to 19 year olds. At this current rate, 43 percent of all women will have had at least one abortion by the age of 45! Shockingly, 44 percent of all women that have abortions, have had at least one previous abortion.

Oh my gosh!! Two abortions? Wouldn't you think that after a "mistake" like this, one would make some life-altering changes. Like not have sex! Hmmm, could this be contributed by our continuously growing sex-free-for-all society we are living in?

STDs. Then there are sexually transmitted diseases (STDs) that exist in one of every five people in the United States. One in every four will have contracted one within their lifetime. Then we have the most deadly of all: HIV: 33 percent received it by homosexual sex; 17 percent by heterosexual sex; 15 percent by injection drugs; 1 percent by blood transfusion, and 30 percent are unknown (CDC 2000).

What ever happened to the whole idea of dating to find your lifetime partner? What happened to perseverance and determination to shape your life into one that is respectful, admirable, and clean? Why is it that our generation seems to want it all, want it now and at all costs? Should we not be teaching our newer generation that one should remain unsexed until their lifetime partner is found? If that person turns out to not be Mr. or Mrs. Right, then they are only on the second sexual partner (not the 12th!).



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