He Said/She Said
BEVERLY HILLS —Dear He Said / She Said:
I am a graphic designer who makes a really good living. I usually don't date actors. However, I fell in love with one and now we live together. It looks like someday we will get married. The problem is: he works at a grocery store and I earn more than he does. His hours are set where he doesn't go on auditions like he should in order to give him a fair chance at succeeding in the business. Make no mistake... I love him and I think he's the one for me, but I don't know if he'll be successful in acting, and I'm not sure working at a grocery store is going to be enough to fulfill the financial needs I have. What should I do?
Sarah in Beverly Hills
So, Sarah of Beverly Hills is concerned that her boyfriend is just a struggling actor working in a grocery store and, if he does not become an actor, he may stay at the grocery forever.
Sorry, Sarah, you have what is known as the "LA Attitude" which is a stuck-up materialistic view of things and people. It is the shallowness that can be attributed to this part of the country and it is something that turns off guys. They may score with California girls, but they sure as hell ain't gonna marry them.
Sarah, do your boyfriend a favor: dump him. Go pursue someone who has your warped view of things. Believe me, there are plenty of them out there. They probably will not be as nice as your boyfriend who is trying to make it while the guy you want has "made it". He is probably not as nice as your current boyfriend and, no doubt, not as attractive as a want-to-be actor, but who cares? He has the cash you want.
When you are lonely, and you will be when your looks fade, remember the actor boyfriend. Chances are he hooked up with someone like himself who is trying to succeed and does not have many of material possessions. Together though, this new couple is among the happiest two people in the world, while you, poor Sarah, with your rich husband, are lonely and loveless, as one of your breed deserves to be.
Sounds like you do more than date actors... you live with them too! Something about your current boyfriend attracted you enough to be with him even though he is an actor. Don't live in a box and group one set of people together; it will always put you where you think you will not ever be.
If your boyfriend is not what you are looking for, why are you living with him? Shacking up with someone before making a serious commitment such as marriage will just confuse the issues and cloud the picture. Even if he is not what you want, how can you escape the situation simply? The answer is you cannot. Living together combines and marries all aspects of the relationship, so it is a little too late to escape the intense breakup scene.
If you do love him, why does it matter where the money comes from? You state you make a good living. Well, share it with the person you love. One should not let money troubles interfere with love. Although I do doubt "love" is what you have.
If your boyfriend is not pursuing auditions, he is most likely not going to achieve success in the acting business. In fact, those that pursue it aggressively often do not make it. That is reality. Maybe you can sit down with him and share your concerns about your financial future. Suggest he get a job where he can grow into it as well as be flexible enough to pursue his acting. Or maybe he has given up and really is not interested in becoming famous anymore. If he is trying to be all you want him to be while pursuing his own dream, why not support him for a short time? Put a time limit on it and give him a shot at auditioning profusely to see if he can attain anything.
Sounds like you are settling for something less than your best. Maybe it is you that have the issues. Maybe you do not think you will find Mr. Right, so you are settling down with whatever has fallen into your lap. Maybe you are more like your boyfriend than you think. He is settling for a grocery job and you are settling for an actor.
Decide what you want for your future. If he does not possess enough outstanding qualities, get out of it now. Once you get married, things look worse than they do prior to the wedding ceremony. Do not settle for less than the best.
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