He Said/She Said
A Straight Eye For The Queer Guy
By Sean McConnor & Winter Kelly
Sep 1, 2003 - 11:13:00 PM

BEVERLY GLEN Dear He Said She Said,

I am a 29-year-old heterosexual man living in Beverly Glen. I've been married for three years to the most beautiful amazing woman. She was inexperienced and conservative when I married her, and I liked it that way. Her bedroom history has mostly been what we created together.

A few months ago, she brought home some porno tapes. These are with two guys and one girl. She also asked what I thought about her bringing some toys into the bedroom. I was appalled to find out that she wanted to perform these duties on me. I've never objected to her ideas and have always welcomed her creativity, so I reluctantly agreed. What scares me now is the fact that I enjoyed it so much; I'm fearing that I might be gay. It seems that I enjoyed the role reversal more than the traditional way.
Is something wrong with me?

Turning Gay in the Glen

JennaSkarzenski_aidswalk.jpg
The 2009 LA Aids Walk. Jenna Skarzenski / Canyon News

He Said:

Hi Turning Gay,

Sorry to let you know this: people are born gay. Yeah, sure people may have homosexual experiences as an adolescent or even later in life, but that doesn't qualify them as gay, maybe bisexual, if they persist in having sex with persons of both genders.

In your case, I think you are overwhelmed by the fact that your beautiful wife wanted some variety in life and wanted to pleasure you like you do to her. Sex can get pretty dull if couples always keep the giver and taker positions and attitudes in the bedroom. Your wife wanted to spice up your sex life and she succeeded apparently beyond her and your dreams. Congrats.

At this point, I would not be concerned about this new phase unless you both brought in a third party into your bedroom or if you both wanted to pursue relationships with persons of the same sex on the side. Not that there is anything wrong with all that if all parties are consenting adults and risk free.

When I mean risk free, I mean if you and wife experiment more, even with her "toys" or outside partners, make certain everything is okay health wise. Has the other party or parties been tested for HIV or STDs (Sexually Transmitted Diseases)? Are the "toys" safe?

Turning gay: being gay should not be a concern right now. Medical safety, openness in discussing your needs and wants and keeping your eyes and ears open should be your focus as you enter a new facet in this new and exciting sexual part of your life. Enjoy!

 

She Said:

Dear Turning Gay,

There is nothing wrong with you, and you are not gay because you enjoy some diversity in the bedroom. People don't just 'turn gay'. Although it seems close to impossible, to find solid statistics on what makes someone gay or who is gay and how you know. If your relations in your marriage have not been a problem up until now, do not make it one. Enjoy the diversity you have with your wife, and spend some time discussing these issues with your wife. Just because she uses a toy doesn't make her a man, and it doesn't mean your experience was a homosexual one.

Today's society should be a more accepting one, however it seems as though the acceptance revolution has also created some segregation. You are forced to choose between gay and straight. According to many loud voices around, there is no in between. If you have any same sex attraction, you are labeled gay. Many perfectly heterosexual people have fantasies about the same sex. Many of these people are so afraid to admit to these natural attractions, thereby claiming they are straight and often exerting homophobia.

According to an extensive UCLA study, named in the book, "Sex Lovers Book of Lists" by Ron Louis and David Copeland, it shows that 18.9 percent of men admitted to bisexual fantasies as well as 33 percent of women. I'm sure it is much more common than that, but our societal pressures force most people to subdue any diverse sexual fantasies.

Just be yourself... treasure your creative and beautiful wife, and be a good husband. Marriage is about a lifelong friendship and partnership, and sex is only a small part of that. Don't second-guess your sexuality because of one experience. If it becomes more of a problem, get professional help before it ruins a good thing. Be thankful you have an open-minded, accepting wife. Hold on to her!



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