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Humor

The Humor Is On Me Now
Posted by Conor on Oct 1, 2002 - 9:26:00 AM

If I make at least one person smile or laugh when they read the following, my task has been accomplished!
----------------------------------------------------

Two confirmed Laurel Canyon bachelors were sitting and talking. Their conversation drifted from politics to cooking.
"I got a cookbook once," said the first Laurel Canyon resident, "but I could never do anything with it."

"Too much fancy cooking in it, eh?" asked the second Laurel Canyon resident.

"You said it. Every recipe began the same way - 'Take a clean dish and...'"

================================================

A young woman went to her doctor complaining of pain.
"Where are you hurting?" asked the doctor."You have to help me out here.
I hurt all over", said the woman.

"What do you mean, all over?" asked the doctor, "be a little more specific." The woman touched her right knee with her index finger and yelled, "Ow, that hurts." Then she touched her left cheek and again yelled, "Ouch! That hurts, too." Then she touched her right earlobe, "Ow, even THAT hurts", she cried.

The doctor looked at her thoughtfully for a moment and told her his diagnosis, (ready for this, you guessed it.)

"You have a broken finger."
(ok, I know that one barely passed the stink test. Be strong and continue reading it does get better.)
=================================================
Bill Clinton is visiting a school. In one class, he asks the students if anyone can give him an example of a "tragedy."

One little boy stands up and offers that,"If my best friend who lives next door is playing in the street when a car came by and killed him, that would be a tragedy."

"No," Clinton says,"That would be an ACCIDENT."

A girl raises her hand."If a school bus carrying fifty children drove off a cliff, killing everyone inside... wouldn't that be a tragedy?"
"I'm afraid not," explains Clinton."That is what we would called a great loss."

The room is silent,the other children are too nervous to say anything.
"What?" asks Clinton,"Isn't there anyone here who can give me an example of a tragedy?"

Finally a boy in the back raises his hand. In a timid voice, he says:
"If an airplane carrying Bill and Hillary Clinton was blown up by a bomb,*that* would be a tragedy."

"Wonderful!" Clinton beams." And can you tell me 'WHY' that would be a tragedy?"

"Well," says the boy,"because it wouldn't be an accident, and it certainly would be no great loss!"
============================================

"I said to my wife, Boy, you're getting old! Look at all your wrinkles!
She said, They aren't wrinkles, they're laugh lines!
I told her, there is nothing that f-------g' funny!!

============================================

Sign at a Towing Company:

We don't charge an arm and a leg. We want tows.

Sign on an Electrician's truck:

"Let us remove your shorts"

==========================================

I present the following quickies for your enjoyment:
=====================

After receiving his medication from the pharmacist, the Laurel Canyon customer asked, "Are these time release pills?"
The Laurel Canyon pharmacist replied, "Yes. They begin to release after your check clears."
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God must love stupid people, he made so many.
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If voting could really change things, it would be illegal.
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"Tell me again" asked the judge, "why you parked there?" The Laurel Canyon man answered respectfully, "because your honor it said "'fine' for parking."

=============================================

Until next time my laughter-seeking friends, stay happy and if you have any favorites you would like to see in print don't hesitate to email them to me , conor@canyongossip.com



 

Cliffside Malibu

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Serving Bel Air, Benedict Canyon, Beverly Hills. Brentwood, Laurel Canyon, Los Feliz, Malibu, Pacific Palisades, Melrose, Santa Monica, Sherman Oaks, Studio City, Topanga, Canyon, Westwood & Hollywood Hills.