The Humor Is On Me Now
Posted by Conor on Dec 1, 2002 - 10:00:00 PM
Canyon insurance salesman, trying to start up a conversation with a
Beverly Hills fellow said, "Who is the ugly lady over there?"
Beverly Hills man said, "Why, that's my wife!"
Trying to get out of an embarrassing situation, the insurance salesman said, "No, not her, the other one!"
Beverly Hills man said, "That's my daughter!"
A clergyman was walking down the street when he came upon a group of about a dozen boys, all of them between 10 and 12 years of age.
The group surrounded a dog. Concerned the boys were hurting the dog, he went over and asked "What are you doing with that dog?"
One of the boys replied, "This dog is just an old neighborhood stray. We all want him, but only one of us can take him home. So we've decided that whichever one of us can tell the biggest lie will get to keep the dog."
Of course, the reverend was taken aback. "You boys shouldn't be having a contest telling lies!" he exclaimed. He then launched into a ten minute sermon against lying, beginning, "Don't you boys know it's a sin to lie," and ending with, "Why, when I was your age, I never told a lie."
There was dead silence for about a minute. Just as the reverend was beginning to think he'd gotten through to them, the smallest boy gave a deep sigh and said, "All right, give him the dog."
Jack was living in
Arizona during a heat wave when the following took place.
"It's just too hot to wear clothes today," complained Jack as he stepped out of the shower.
"Honey, what do you think the neighbors would think if I mowed the lawn like this?"
"Oh, that I married you for your money."
A reminder to Dems:
Can you believe it? Monica Lewinsky turned 28 this week. It seems like only yesterday she was crawling around the White House on her hands and knees.
Which reminds me of the following?
"Mommy, do all fairy tales begin with `Once upon a time'?"
"No, dear. Nowadays, lots of them start with `If I am elected...'."
Milton Berle, at his 80th birthday party:
"I feel like a 20-year old! Unfortunately, there aren't any here."
And remember folks be happy and
Never take life seriously. Nobody gets out alive anyway!
Until next time keep spreading humor wherever you go!
And send your favorites to: firstname.lastname@example.org