The Humor Is On Me Now: Feb. '03
Posted by Conor on Feb 1, 2003 - 11:36:00 PM
Photo by Olga
A kangaroo at the Sydney zoo kept getting out of his enclosure every night. Knowing that mature kangaroos could hop very high, the zoo officials replaced the eight-foot fence with a ten-foot fence.
He was out the next morning, just roaming around the zoo.
They tore down the ten-foot fence and put up a fifteen-foot fence.
He was out again the next morning.
A twenty-foot fence was put up.
Again he go out.
When the fence was forty feet high, a camel in the next enclosure asked the kangaroo,
"How high do you think they'll go?"
The kangaroo said, "About a thousand feet, unless somebody remembers to lock the gate at night!"
What does a divorce in Alabama, a tornado in Kansas and a hurricane in Florida have in common? No matter what, somebody's fixin' to lose a trailer.
Guy in Studio City overheard talking on a cell phone: "I know it's something you want," he said earnestly, "but I don't think tattoos are a good idea. Yes! The same goes for body piercing. As long as you're living in my house, I think you should respect my wishes." I was secretly cheering him on for his fatherly firmness. When he said!:
"And besides, Mom, you're 75 years old! You don't NEED a tattoo."
A Bel Air chemistry teacher wanted to teach his 5th grade class a lesson about the evils of liquor. He conducted an experiment that involved a glass of water, a glass of whiskey and two worms.
"Now, class. he said, Observe the worms closely," putting a worm first into the water. The worm in the water wriggled about, as a worm in water does. The second worm, he put into the glass of whiskey. It wriggled about and quickly sank to the bottom dead."
What lesson can we derive from this experiment?" the teacher asked.
Johnny from Brentwood, raised his hand and wisely responded, "Drink whiskey and you won't get worms."
"Cash, check or charge?" the cashier asked the Laurel Canyon woman. As the woman fumbled in her purse for her wallet, the cashier noticed a remote control for a television set in her purse.
"Do you always carry your TV remote?" the cashier asked.
"No," replied the Laurel Canyon woman. "But my husband refused to come shopping with me, so I figured this was the most evil thing I could do to him."
The following is one from Groucho:
"He may look like an idiot and talk like an idiot but don't let that fool you. He really is an idiot"
My wife and I have the secret to making a marriage last.
Twice a week, we go to a nice restaurant for a little wine and good food... She goes Tuesdays, I go Fridays. (Credit for this goes to Henny Youngman, of course)
That's all, folks. Until nest time, keep a happy thought!
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