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Humor

The Humor Is On Me Now: April '03
Posted by Conor on Apr 1, 2003 - 11:06:00 AM

These are unusual times we live in! Sometimes I wonder why we are not evolving as rapidly mentally as we are militarily! However no matter what your politics join me in a wish that our lads and lassies in our armed forces return safely to their homeland.

************************************************************************

Drum roll please!!!!!!!!

The Four Thinnest Books in the World:

4 The Amish Phone Directory

3 Mike Tyson Guide of Dating Etiquette

2 French War Heroes

1 MY BOOK OF MORALS - by Bill Clinton/with introduction by The Rev. Jessie Jackson


 

You know, politicians and diapers have one thing in common. Both should be changed regularly, and for the same reason!


 

A Beverly Hills policeman pulls a man over for speeding and asks him to get out of the car. After looking the man over he says, "Sir, I couldn't help but notice your eyes are bloodshot. Have you been drinking?"

The Laurel Canyon man gets really indignant and says, "Officer, I couldn't help but notice your eyes are glazed. Have you been eating doughnuts?"


 

France announced today that it plans to ban all fireworks at Euro-Disney, following last night's display that caused soldiers at a nearby French Garrison to surrender.

(I hope you French guys have a sense of humor!)

Which reminds me ...

When Clinton was asked what he thought about foreign affairs, he replied:

"I don't know, I never had one."


 

On the first day of college, the Dean addressed the students, pointing out some of the rules.

"The female dormitory will be out-of-bounds for all male students, and the male dormitory to the female students. Anybody caught breaking this rule will be fined $50 the first time."

He continued, "Anybody caught breaking this rule the second time will be fined $100. Being caught a third time will incur a hefty fine of $250. Are there any questions?"

At this point, a well-to-do student in the crowd piped up, "How much for a season pass?"


 

Peacock.jpg
Photo by Olga Litvin
Read on it just gets better:

An old man was sitting on a bench at the mall. A young man walked up to the bench and sat down. He had spiked hair in all different colors: green, red, pink, blue, yellow and purple. The old man just stared. The young man said, "What's the matter old timer, never done anything wild in your life?

The old man replied, "Got drunk once and had sex with a peacock. I was just wondering if you were my son."


 

A Mulholland fellow entered the Ice Cream Shoppe and asked, "What kinds of ice cream do you have?"

"Chocolate, strawberry, and vanilla" the Westwood girl wheezed as she spoke, patting her chest and seemed unable to continue.

"Do you have laryngitis?" the man asked sympathetically.

"Nope," she shook her head and whispered, "just chocolate, strawberry, and vanilla."

That is all for now, folks, but here is a reminder to all parents out there:

Be nice to your kids; they will choose your nursing home.
***************************************************

This was fun, let's do it again next month. In the meantime, keep those emails coming! conor@canyonnewspaper.com



 

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Serving Bel Air, Benedict Canyon, Beverly Hills. Brentwood, Laurel Canyon, Los Feliz, Malibu, Pacific Palisades, Melrose, Santa Monica, Sherman Oaks, Studio City, Topanga, Canyon, Westwood & Hollywood Hills.