The Humor Is On Me Now: May '03
Posted by Conor on May 1, 2003 - 4:40:00 PM
A brief expression of appreciation for the many, many complementary comments I received on last month's humor column. Now on to the lighthearted humor that will cause a smile to light up your face.
Explanation behind the want ad:
An old blacksmith decided he was going to quit working so hard. He picked out a strong young man to become his apprentice. The old fellow was crabby and exacting. "Don't ask me a lot of questions," he told the boy. "Just do whatever I tell you to do."
One day the old blacksmith took an iron out of the forge and laid it on the anvil. "Get the hammer over there," he said. "When I nod my head, hit it real good and hard."
Now the town is looking for a new blacksmith....
The following was sent to me by a beautiful actress and it is so timely I just have to include it.
The makers of French's Mustard recently made the following press release: "We at the French's Company wish to put an end to statements that our product is manufactured in France. There is no relationship, nor has there ever been a relationship, between our mustard and the country of France. Indeed, our mustard is manufactured in Rochester, NY. The only thing we have in common is that we are both yellow."
A little southern flavored humor!
How do you know when you're staying in a Kentucky hotel? When you call the front desk and say "I've got a leak in my sink," and the person at the front desk says, "Go ahead."
An Arkansas State trooper pulls over a pickup truck on I-40 and says to the driver, "Got any ID?" The driver says, "'Bout what?"
An Alabamian came home and found his house on fire. He rushed next door, telephoned the fire department and shouted, "Hurry over here-muh house is on fahr!" "OK," replied the fireman, "how do we get there?"
Fire! Photo by Olga Litvin
"Shucks, don't you fellers still have those big red trucks?"
Ida Mae passed away and Bubba called 911. The 911-operator told Bubba that she would send someone out right away. "Where do you live?" asked the operator. .Bubba replied, "At the end of Eucalyptus Drive."
The operator asked, "Can you spell that for me?" After a long pause, Bubba said, "How 'bout I drag her over to Oak Street and you pick her up there?"
Know why they raised the minimum drinking age in Tennessee to 32? They wanted to keep alcohol out of the high schools.
What do they call reruns of "Hee Haw" in Mississippi? "Documentaries. "
What do a divorce in Arkansas, a tornado in Kansas and a hurricane in Florida have in common? No matter what, somebody's fixin' to lose a trailer.
Benny and Mark were at the bar chatting about how much their wives thought of them. Mark said, "My wife, she thinks so much of me that she won't let me do any work around the house. It's great!" Not to be out done, Benny said, "That's nothing. My wife simply worships me..." Confused Mark asked, "She worships you? C'mon, what makes you say that?" "Easy. Every night she places a burnt offering before me."
Let's close with some Henny Youngman humor:
A drunk was in front of a judge. The judge says, "You've been brought here for drinking." The drunk says, "OK, let's get started!"
The Doctor says, "You'll live to be 60." "I AM 60 !" "See, what did I tell you ?"
That is all for now, folks. Until next time keep smiling!