Humor Is On Me Now
Posted by Conor on Feb 4, 2004 - 11:41:00 AM
February is the shortest month-- well here is my short column of short humor.
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Always wanted to be a procrastinator, but never got around to it.
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Did you hear about the big fight that Madonna, Cher, Jewel, and Fabio had? They're no longer on a first-name basis.
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When everything's coming your way, you're in the wrong lane.
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Everyone has a photographic memory. Some don't have film.
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I couldn't repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder.
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"It is better to have loved a short man, than never to have loved a tall."
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If the #2 pencil is the most popular, why isn't it #1?
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I wished the buck stopped here, as I could use one.
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How come wrong numbers are never busy?
Do people in Australia call the rest of the world "up over"?
Can a stupid person be a smart-ass?
Does killing time damage eternity?
Why is it that night falls but day breaks?
by George Carlin
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News!
Have you seen the recent news bulletin?
"Terrorists abduct bus load of attorneys."
Note from terrorists:
"Unless you meet our demands, we will release one hostage a day!"
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Judge: Where were you between five and six?
Defendant: In kindergarten!
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A doctor and a lawyer in two cars collided on a country road. The lawyer, seeing that the doctor was a little shaken up, helped him from the car and offered him a drink from his hip flask.The doctor accepted and handed the flask back to the lawyer, who closed it and put it away.
"Aren't you going to have a drink yourself?" asked the doctor.
"Sure, after the police leave," replied the attorney.
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Other than that, Mrs. Lincoln, how did you enjoy the play?
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The following are words of wisdom for this new year!
You can have anything you want -- if you want it badly enough. You can be anything you want to be, do anything you set out to accomplish if you hold to that desire with singleness of purpose.
- Abraham Lincoln
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And finally we will close with:
Q. What is Irish diplomacy?
A. It's the ability to tell a person to go to hell
So that he will look forward to making the trip.
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Until next time, be happy.
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