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Humor Is On Me Now
Posted by Conor on Feb 4, 2004 - 11:41:00 AM

February is the shortest month-- well here is my short column of short humor.


Always wanted to be a procrastinator, but never got around to it.


Did you hear about the big fight that Madonna, Cher, Jewel, and Fabio had? They're no longer on a first-name basis.


When everything's coming your way, you're in the wrong lane.


Everyone has a photographic memory. Some don't have film.


I couldn't repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder.


"It is better to have loved a short man, than never to have loved a tall."


If the #2 pencil is the most popular, why isn't it #1?


I wished the buck stopped here, as I could use one.


How come wrong numbers are never busy?

Do people in Australia call the rest of the world "up over"?

Can a stupid person be a smart-ass?

Does killing time damage eternity?

Why is it that night falls but day breaks?

by George Carlin



Have you seen the recent news bulletin?
"Terrorists abduct bus load of attorneys."
Note from terrorists:
"Unless you meet our demands, we will release one hostage a day!"


Judge: Where were you between five and six?
Defendant: In kindergarten!


A doctor and a lawyer in two cars collided on a country road. The lawyer, seeing that the doctor was a little shaken up, helped him from the car and offered him a drink from his hip flask.The doctor accepted and handed the flask back to the lawyer, who closed it and put it away.

"Aren't you going to have a drink yourself?" asked the doctor.
"Sure, after the police leave," replied the attorney.


 Other than that, Mrs. Lincoln, how did you enjoy the play?


The following are words of wisdom for this new year!

You can have anything you want -- if you want it badly enough. You can be anything you want to be, do anything you set out to accomplish if you hold to that desire with singleness of purpose.
- Abraham Lincoln

And finally we will close with:

Q. What is Irish diplomacy?
A. It's the ability to tell a person to go to hell
So that he will look forward to making the trip.


Until next time, be happy.





Cliffside Malibu




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