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Humor

Humor Is On Me Now
Posted by Conor on Feb 4, 2004 - 11:41:00 AM

February is the shortest month-- well here is my short column of short humor.

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Always wanted to be a procrastinator, but never got around to it.

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Did you hear about the big fight that Madonna, Cher, Jewel, and Fabio had? They're no longer on a first-name basis.

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When everything's coming your way, you're in the wrong lane.

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Everyone has a photographic memory. Some don't have film.

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I couldn't repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder.

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"It is better to have loved a short man, than never to have loved a tall."

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If the #2 pencil is the most popular, why isn't it #1?

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Canyon_News_Jokes_024.JPG
I wished the buck stopped here, as I could use one.

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How come wrong numbers are never busy?

Do people in Australia call the rest of the world "up over"?

Can a stupid person be a smart-ass?

Does killing time damage eternity?

Why is it that night falls but day breaks?

by George Carlin

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News!

Have you seen the recent news bulletin?
"Terrorists abduct bus load of attorneys."
Note from terrorists:
"Unless you meet our demands, we will release one hostage a day!"

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Judge: Where were you between five and six?
Defendant: In kindergarten!

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A doctor and a lawyer in two cars collided on a country road. The lawyer, seeing that the doctor was a little shaken up, helped him from the car and offered him a drink from his hip flask.The doctor accepted and handed the flask back to the lawyer, who closed it and put it away.

"Aren't you going to have a drink yourself?" asked the doctor.
"Sure, after the police leave," replied the attorney.

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 Other than that, Mrs. Lincoln, how did you enjoy the play?

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The following are words of wisdom for this new year!

You can have anything you want -- if you want it badly enough. You can be anything you want to be, do anything you set out to accomplish if you hold to that desire with singleness of purpose.
- Abraham Lincoln
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And finally we will close with:

Q. What is Irish diplomacy?
A. It's the ability to tell a person to go to hell
So that he will look forward to making the trip.

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Until next time, be happy.

 

 

 



 

Cliffside Malibu

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Serving Bel Air, Benedict Canyon, Beverly Hills. Brentwood, Laurel Canyon, Los Feliz, Malibu, Pacific Palisades, Melrose, Santa Monica, Sherman Oaks, Studio City, Topanga, Canyon, Westwood & Hollywood Hills.