Life According To Lenson
The Price Women Pay For 'Having It All'
By Eileen Lenson
Mar 14, 2012 - 12:56:24 AM

BEVERLY HILLSDo women pay a price for wanting the entire package?

Women are jugglers, moving masterfully to keep all of their roles and responsibilities sailing smoothly and effortlessly through the air.  These roles include a career, raising kids, volunteering as scout leaders and PTA participants, tending to the physical and spiritual management of the household and family recreation/vacation directors. 

Two questions come to mind when I work with these women in my office.  What is the quality of involvement with each role they take on, and how is it possible that women can be all things to all people yet not physically and emotionally running on empty?

It is not the number of choices women engage in that makes them happy, but rather the ability to be successful in them and to feel fulfilled, most of the time.  Being fulfilled will result in feeling less stressed, resentful and tired.  The result will be greater success in the roles you choose to assume.

3 Tips for Gaining Control of Your Life

-Delegate  What is the point of attending your child’s sporting event if you are so tired you are fighting a nap?  Or being so distracted by work pressures that a day at the beach with your kids is filled with checking your Iphone for messages?

-Engage in the activities you find most personally rewarding.  Identify what parts of your life bring you the most happiness, allow you to be most creative, and increase your self-esteem.  In other words, what can help you be true to your authentic self?

-Cut out roles that complicate your life but do not add value to the things or relationships that are important to you.  Women often erroneously believe that cutting out a role will make them feel guilty.  Being overly involved in a myriad of roles does not provide a feeling of being in control.  Rather, it can overwhelm and drain you.  It is experiencing a sense of effectiveness and success that provides satisfaction.

Perhaps after reviewing your life, you may want to substitute the saying ”˜having it all’ with ”˜less is more’.  The number of balls you juggle is a personal choice.  The number will predictably change from year to year, and will be influenced by other events in your life.  Remembering that it is not the quantity, but rather the happiness and satisfaction derived from each role, will help you maintain the proper balance, and live life as a truly successful woman.

Eileen Lenson, MSW, ACSW, Board Certified Coach

Eileen Lenson, MSW, ACSW is a Board Certified Coach in private practice.  For inquiries about telephone sessions, email her at or visit her website at

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