UNITED STATES—On this, the fourteenth day of the plan to lighten up 30 pounds in 30 days, I recommend taking a thorough inventory of your current wardrobe, followed by a trip to Goodwill pronto to jettison all your old baggy wardrobe. There is nothing frumpier than clothing that is sizes too big. And there is nothing more annoying than a pair of pants that keeps sliding down the hips to reveal your butt crack. Tis the season to get rid of the outsize old and treat yourself to a pair of new jeans and a properly fitting top. You deserve it; the people who see you every day deserve it and will be glad to see you rid of the unsightly dumpy ill-fitting clothes that are sizes too big.
And if you have any doubts of this, a picture is worth 1000 words, so take a selfie with your camera. See what I’m talking about. You’ll be ready to go to the clothes store. Likewise, give yourself the gift of getting rid of clothes that are sizes too small. They may have one fit, but they fit no longer. The promise of fitting into these clothes again may be superficially motivating you to slim down. But that is less motivation, than nagging. With the 30 pounds in 30 days plan the real new tailoring is being done inside you; each good choice and reinforced habit is a stitch in the new armor of lasting fitness. Clothes are but the outward emblem of these changes.
Get rid of those clothes that no longer fit and nag you from the shelves and hangers about your weight. Additionally, to keep old ill-fitting clothes around when another person could be wearing them is a shame and a waste and it adds extra noise to the notion that you are not in the shape you desire. As always, self-acceptance is the key, and ridding yourself of clothes that no longer fit is about the most reaffirming, self-accepting act there is.
If you really prize a certain garment, give the fella or gal at the dry cleaners, slouched in front of a sewing machine, some work. This must be the expert alluded to in the sign “Expert Alterations,” at every dry cleaning establishment from here to Topanga, and he or she will eagerly do the job.
Sadly, because skinniness has been fetish-ized, larger sizes have been ostracized. We internalize the negative connotation of that meaningless number. As a result, a lot of people feel justified in cramming their avoirdupois into tight-fitting “sexy” clothes. They are uncomfortable to the point of enduring pain. When a person who has a negative association with getting a larger size, does this; instead of being comfortable with themselves, they opt for self-torture and delude themselves thinking it’s “sexy.”
The ”˜aha’ moment for me came when a young actor told me his acting teacher counseled comfortable clothes on stage. If you’re not comfortable, it will affect how you act. I immediately applied this to the stage of life, cured me then and there of the masochistic tolerance for tight-fitting clothes. Tolerating anything less than comfortable is a disconnect; a perfect example of being deficient in liking yourself—which the necessary ingredient to launch a successful weight loss plan.
So don’t be a clothes packrat. Don’t be afraid of getting rid of the old because of wishful thinking or sentimental reasons. “Aunt Lulu gave me that jacket” or “I’ll fit into them when I’m thin again.”
Live in the present; love your actuality. Cherish what was and move on. I’ve got my own pair of slim fit pants to deal with. Languishing on my shelf, they are the demand incarnate to be what I am not now. Fact is, I’m even afraid to put them on. Aw, shucks, these are my best newest pants. I’ve hardly worn them. What to do? What to do? Listen, it isn’t easy being a diet guru.
Humorist Grady Miller is the author of “Lighten Up Now: The Grady Diet,” available on Kindle. He can be reached at firstname.lastname@example.org.
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