Miller Time
Night School 99: Too Much Love
By Grady Miller
Dec 22, 2012 - 8:16:47 AM

HOLLYWOOD—“Suzanne subscribed to Mylanta Platinum Plus on behalf of loved ones,” said the robed figure, framed by the dazzling view of the Hollywood hills outside the law office.

“Platinum Plus?” mumbled Harvey, arching a bushy eyebrow.

“It is Mylanta's masterpiece, Oneness, tailored to a single individual. When you subscribe to Platinum Plus, this magical transformative book shifts and changes with a person's life and thoughts. The foundation has a vast network of 'revealers' who collect information about the candidate's enlightenment and quandaries, hopes and worries. So, like a river, the book is always changing, ever relevant to the person being surveyed. The revealers are the antenna, the eyes and ears. Hence, so many people think that Mylanta, who left us in physical form, many years ago, speaks directly to them because he is listening. In a very real way, it is true. Our guide and teacher always pointed out that listening is more important than speaking. Why else would God have given us one mouth and two ears?”

Jason's jaw dropped. “I had one of those books. I gave it to Candy. She started reading, and it was in Spanish. But when I saw it a few days ago, now it's turned to English.”

“There you go. It reflects her inner state,” the robed one declared. “Candy is ready, like the caterpillar, to transform from larva into the butterfly.”

“Did you have to hire a new team of spies to follow Candy?” Jason asked.

“Spies is such a vulgar term,” said the robed one. “We call them revealers. And yes, as a matter of fact, we had to hire a whole new team to manage Candy. And this has duplicated our claims against the Katselas estate.”

Jason felt guilty, for it was he who had ripped the book in two, thrown it in a gutter, in a pique. Then later given half to Candy to foster her enlightenment.

“Who was watching me?” Jason asked shortly. “Officer Matamoros?”

“That would be a breach of confidentiality,” said the robed one.

“This gives me the creeps. Was that half-wit, Childers, in the school parking lot watching me? Janet Gilmore? Is that why she disappeared from our school?”

“It wasn't the budget cutbacks in her case. We assigned her to cover someone new in Morocco,” the robed one admitted. And added: “You didn't hear that.”

Accustomed to having Hollywood in his palm, Harvey was befuddled by all this, his bushy eyebrows working overtime. The robed one spoke, his countenance exuding bliss and serenity, “Mylanta believed each individual had need for his own special wisdom, that's why he developed Mylanta Plus.”

Harvey interrupted, “So the Foundation sticks it to people for that individualized wisdom?”

“It's a like a tailored suit.”

“A 3.5 million dollar suit,” Jason moaned.

“We can bring this to arbitration,” Harvey suggested. 

“I assure you they will decide in the Foundation's favor,” said the robed one. “I have all the signed papers and contracts in my briefcase. Suzanne knew what she was getting into.”

Jason raised his arms and gazed up at the office ceiling and said, “Suzanne, you loved us too much, you did some kooky thing like sign up for Platinum Plus Mylanta. Too much love, sweet Suzanne.

After learning the unpleasant truth that her estate teetered on bankruptcy, it was still a lively period for Jason. There was a great outpouring of kindness for him as Suzanne's official widower. Isabel, their old baby sitter who lived on Yucca Ave., promised to help care for Kit, his daughter. She was as good as her word, and Candy also helped out. Ands before word got our that Suzanne's estate was frittered away, and forfeited to the Mylanta Foundation because of her mystical penchant, a number of gold-digging and hot young actresses sought him out.

He got the chance to date that had been denied him, and strangely, he became more giving with his daughter though he had far less to give than the public could ever imagine.

(to be continued)


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