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Canyon Intruders: GO HOME
Posted by Winter Brooks on Jan 1, 2003 - 4:18:00 PM

LAUREL CANYONThis is a special message to all you Canyon Intruders.  You know who you are: You speed through our canyon streets like it is a freeway for all to rush through. You act as if you possess the rights to drive at double the speed limit, and you give the finger so easily to anyone that merely slows down to enter their steep driveway. You gaze in awe at the homes and often intrude on our celebrity residents by lurking at our front doors. You feel like you possess the right to just come to our doors when you want and take pictures as we come and go.

Photo by Jessica Griffiths/Canyon News
You are the ones that don't pull over when the ambulance blares its siren behind you. You block half of the two-lane access, and another twit blocks the other side. You are the ones that I blame for at least one death in my family.

Using our lane to come and go is alright, except when you feel like you have the right to infringe on our privacy and enjoyment.   Then have the gall to scream obscenities and give us the middle finger just because we go the speed limit or just because we slow to get around the corner of our driveway--it is unacceptable.

As I drove home on Christmas night around midnight, two morons in an SUV tailgated all the way around the corners, when there is no where to stop or allow them to pass.  They were doing at least double the speed limit, then I signaled and slowed to pull into my driveway and they were yelling, hollering, and giving me the finger. They are complete nincompoops.

For those of you that feel it is necessary to use your boom box stereos in your cheap cars that vibrate all the way from our basement to attic in the middle of the night... you are included in this unwelcome to the canyon. To all of you that have been anything but completely considerate for us allowing you to shorten your path to and from the valley, go home... you are not welcomed.

To all the cops that sit on the canyon roads to catch speeders in action: WE LOVE YOU! However, please take the graveyard shift and continue your awesome work. We are so tired of these speeders and accidents disturbing our sleep and our nights in our never-to-be peaceful homes.

To all of you non-residents especially those two ugly jerks that I encountered Christmas night, I wish on you a horrible car accident, comatose stages for just long enough to ruin your life with large medical bills and then complete health so that you can spend the next 20 years paying off the medical bills.


Cliffside Malibu




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