Q: Dear Silly ~ I'm a squirrel. Traditionally, I play in the park and mind my own business. It has come to my attention that the human's dictionary refers to squirrels as a "common" little mammal with a large bushy tail. What do they mean by common? Are they suggesting we are vulgar or ordinary?
Signed ~ A Squirrel Disputing Webster (Beverly Hills)
A: Dear Beautiful-Bushy-Tail ~ All I can tell you is that humans do have lots of nerve -- and they tend to be a bit elitist. Whether somebody is "common" is certainly subjective! Unfortunately, humans are the only ones who write these dictionaries. Maybe we can change this in the future, since we are coming out of the closet with our literacy skills.
Q: Dear Silly ~ Poodles like me deserve to have a few different collars to prance around in. People don't wear the same accessories everyday. Why should we?
Signed, Miss Frisky (Studio City)
A: Dear Fashionable Frisky ~ You're right. And hopefully when they upgrade your wardrobe, they will also remember that it's very important for each of your collars to have its own set of tags on it.
Q: Dear Silly ~ I'm Einstein, an emu. I bet you don't get many letters from emus, do you? Until about three weeks ago, I lived at a pet rescue in the Antelope Valley area. I figured out how to escape and run, which was great fun. But now I want to get home and I'm lost. Can you help me?
Signed ~ An Emancipated Emu (Agua Dulce)
A: Dear Einstein ~ As a matter of fact, our newspaper has had some recent calls about you. I think you were seen running "south" towards LA. I want to let my readers know that they shouldn't try to catch you themselves -- especially since, if they scare you, you'll kick them! To help, they should simply call (661) 269-2474 to report your whereabouts. Meanwhile, I hope you are finding lots of water to drink and will be safe soon. You bad emu! There's no place like home!
Q: Dear Silly ~ I'm a friendly pit bull. Most people who read this, however, will think that I'm taking time out from mauling somebody to write you a quick letter. Gee, why do we get such bad press all of the time?
Signed ~ Jaws (Westwood)
A: Dear Jaws ~ Your name doesn't exactly help you sound like an ambassador of goodwill. Yes, it's true that the media seems to love chewing on a gory story about a pit bull (or a rottweiler) who has gone amuck. Bottom line: Dogs are usually a reflection of their owners. There are far more stories of "pits and rotts" who are loving additions to their families. But that information doesn't sell many newspapers or make the film at eleven.
Q: Dear Silly ~ My mom, E.J., is looking for a new apartment for us to move to. We've only been at the current place for a year. I don't want to move again --- but nobody ever asks me! My problem is this - since cats are customarily known for standoffishness and behavior riddled with attitude, I can't figure out how to demonstrate that I am suddenly sulking. It all looks the same to her. Help!
Signed ~ Ralph, the Siamese In A Suitcase (Santa Monica)
A: Dear Ralph ~ This is a hard one. (People often relocate from necessity. Therefore, you probably are going to have to make the best of it.) When you figure out how to alter your behavior to get some more attention, you should save the "feline theatre" for a time when you are more likely to get your way. Don't waste it on this occasion. (In general, pet owners should try to be more sensitive to the fact that pets also get stressed by life situations. In such cases, a little extra love goes a long way to soothe us.) Meanwhile Ralph, go saunter through your new home and if it's bigger, be sure to cordon off twice as much personal space for yourself as you had before!
Q: Dear Silly ~ St. Joseph's Hospital, in Burbank, apparently has a bone to pick with Pomeranians. My daddy (Bob) went into that acclaimed medical establishment recently for surgery, and had a blockage removed from his carotid artery. Why wouldn't they let me see him during recovery? I am an immediate family member, but I was denied visitation. Grrrrrrr.
Signed ~ Jack, Seeking Justice (Los Angeles)
A: Dear Jack Who Was Gypped ~ Hospitals think we have germs. Since you mentioned that you are a Pomeranian, I assume that you are about my size. (I would never recommend that you go against hospital policy because that's not nice. But don't you fit inside a purse? I have personally been smuggled into all sorts of interesting places inside of a handbag!) On a serious note -- some people with critical medical conditions may be allergic to doggies and other pets. It's good to "obey" the hospital rules and wait for your daddy to return home. He knows you care.
Something for Silly to Solve? Send questions to Silly@canyonnewspaper.com --- and selected responses will be published in an upcoming edition of the Canyon News.
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