Stories of the Strange
Tactical Tomato Thievery on Tuesday
HONG KONG – Guerrilla teams of South American thieves infiltrated this year’s annual Hong Kong jewelry show, according to the South China Morning Post.
Apparently, organized crime in Chile, Columbia, Peru, and Venezuela did not want to miss out on this exciting event, so the syndicates sent several representatives decked out in dapper business attire. Over a hundred of these artful attendees circulated in and out of the convention center, grouped into teams of three to four people.
The game plan for the collective big hit included a variety of different tactics, all evidently aimed at scoring the loot from show exhibitors while they were in transit to and from the booths. Some groups played it cool with the “grab-it-and-run-while-they’re-not-looking” approach, while others went on a flavor-happy rampage and sprayed tomato ketchup on their mark as a distraction before grabbing their bags and briefcases.
We are still waiting for confirmation on whether or not they had French Fries waiting for them after a long, hard day making a decent, dishonest living.
Teddy Bear Blues
BEAUMONT, TX – Nighttime can be pretty dang scary, so many techniques have evolved to help us mere mortals fall into deep, sweet slumber. Prescription pills, teddy bears, the friendly nightcap, your favorite blankie, a willing snuggly bed buddy… you name it.
Somewhere in South East Texas, a 15-year-old boy decided to try the last option and find a bunkmate to share his covers. However, he somehow forgot about the “willing” part of the deal. The teen broke into three different homes looking for a woman to crawl into bed with. He finally found a 72-year old grandmother on a couch in a home off Ogden Avenue.
After waking up and finding out that it really wasn’t her grandson, 16-year old Danny Greer, she started to scream and the assailant fled. They met again in the company of police, and she identified the boy, who was naked, repentant, and pleading for his mom.
The happy (or maybe, hapless) ending to the story: the teen won’t be spending the night alone. He will be spending it in a juvenile detention center, and he gets a bonus prize – attempted sexual assault and burglary charges.
Better Living Through Body Modification
Look out computers, humans can be upgraded too! Eons of possessing the capacity for rational thought have given us all kinds of ideas on how to improve our physical form factor. Make-up and styling gel are among the least intrusive methods of self-improvement, while extreme piercing and subdermal implants are high-end upgrades for the serious enthusiasts only.
Subdermal implantation is the practice of embedding items under the human skin to create everything from subcutaneous bracelets and necklaces to horns, ridges, and ripples in any place imaginable. The implants include stainless steel, silicon, or even special Teflon, and are usually completed without anesthetic.
Online body modification communities such as BMEZine allow enthusiasts to network and talk shop with fellow body-modders.
If you’re thinking about taking the under-skin plunge, just be sure to look before you leap – the intersections between the medical community and the artistic bodymod community are still few and far between. Companies such as Health Educators have been developed to promote safe and healthy modification practices, since subdermal implants are a wee bit more intense than your average ear piercing.
Make sure to check the artist’s qualifications when you're shopping around, because once you go, you usually can’t go back.
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