Stories of the Strange
Posted by M. Cherise Perez on Mar 19, 2006 - 9:31:00 PM
A Chord By Any Other Name …
In a special edition of today’s stories of the strange, you are invited to experience the best and the worst band and artist names from the wonderfully creative minds of musicians around the world.
(a) i can make a mess like nobody's business (b) rhymes with orange but actually, (c) nothing rhymes with orange, especially (d) When People Were Shorter and Lived By the Water.
so after (e) The Shower Scene from Psycho, i spent (f) My Morning Jacket (g) Bowling For Soup with (h) Adult Children of Heterosexuals and a (i) badly drawn boy watching (j) Small Towns Burn A Little Slower. That (k) Sunny Day Real Estate got old, and besides, (l) Coach Said Not To… (m) To Live and Shave in LA.
My evening plans? (n) You Say Party, We Say Die. So (o) Get Cape. Wear Cape. Fly. (p) Orchestral Manoeuvres In The Dark will ensue.
ah, forget this mess … (q) I Am The World Trade Center and I have (r) no use for a name.
Amsterdam Does It On Film
AMSTERDAM, NETHERLANDS – A new entrance exam is now required by Netherlands for any potential immigrants to the ultra-liberal nation. Immigrants must pay $495 for the examination and bonus test-prep materials: a multimedia CD-ROM, a picture album of famous Dutch, and an Intro To Culture In Netherlands 101 Film.
Sneak peaks of the film reveal topless females and male-on-male kissing action (*note: PG versions mandatory in countries with government restrictions and censored viewings, e.g. Iran).
The new requirements of the civic integration examination are championed by Rita Verdonk, the Minister of Immigration. The Immigration Ministry hopes to crack down on the willy-nilly influx of settlers that are looking for a more progressive government, but may not be open-minded enough themselves.
Hints: study the geography of the provinces, the duties of the monarchy, and William of Orange.
Exempt Individuals: U.S. Americans, Australians, Canadians, Japanese, Swiss, New Zealanders, EU nationals, white-collar skilled workers, and refugees.
Cabbage Capers In Parma Heights
PARMA HEIGHTS, OHIO – £ 76,000 of cool, clean, crisp, green, leafy tender cabbage were found in a semi-truck parked by Party City on Pearl Road in Parma Heights, along with a truck driver on a suspended license, an electrical generator, and a stolen extension cord.
After being tipped off by suspicious residents at nearby Maplecrest Drive, the police paid an unexpected visit to the truck driver and traced the extension cord to a local homeower’s garage. Apparently, the driver broke into the garage and helped himself to the extension cord and enough electricity to chill his delicate cabbage.
After the police arrived on scene, the green trucker found himself in a bit of a pickle salad. The recipe for disaster included crop seizure and various felony charges, ranging from breaking and entering and resisting arrest, to utility service thievery and possession of criminal paraphernalia.