Stories of the Strange
Leftist Policies and Righteous Road Rules
KANSAS CITY, MISSOURI – Missouri transportation planners are adopting a “diverging-diamond”-hey-let’s-drive-on-the-left-side-of-the-road design at the hectic Interstate 435 onramp from Front Street.
Of all the designs considered for this downtown onramp, this switcheroo from driving on the right to driving on the left offered the most advantages: higher safety, less traffic, and lower cost ($6 million, compared to the initial estimates of $11 million).
The plan is based on a road design from the city of Versailles in France, a nation of right-side drivers. Concrete medians and glare screens will direct and protect Missouri motorists during the 600-700 feet of deviant left-side driving. Although there will always be the risk of a driver steering to the wrong side of the street, transportation officials say it would be like someone entering the wrong ramp to face opposing traffic on the freeway.
This is the first time that this transportation design will be implemented in the United States.
Peeping Toms …
Wait! Hold that second ‘pee’ ...
Call it guerrilla advertising, viral marketing, or just plain gross, but daily German tabloid Bild-Zeitung has installed mirrors in select men’s bathrooms in Germany, emblazoned with its punchy brand message – “Nothing is harder than the truth.”
The mirrors are conveniently situated above the urinals, tilted down so that the mirror is perfect from all angles – the tabloid newspaper can advertise its business while the men take care of business. Of course, the men are also confronted with the full frontal truth of their manhood, whatever condition it may be in.
Founded in 1952, Bild is the largest newspaper in Germany, has the widest circulation of all newspapers in Europe, and also has earned 1/3 of the public reprimands issued by German press watchdog Deutscher Presserat.
Bild is notorious for its tendency to flout typical journalistic ethics and responsibilities by employing devices such as the Unnecessarily Sensational Headline, the Topless Woman on the Cover, the Article with Fuzzy Facts, and even the incredible Invented News Story.
Fly Me To The Moon
Look out space, here we come! A new era of consumer space travel is being ushered in by “Rebel Billionaire” Sir Richard Branson and his Virgin Galactic spaceline.
Flights are expected to begin as early as 2008, with an estimated ticket price of $200,000 – a modest sum, compared to the $20 million price for the six-day commercial space flight offered by the Russian Space Agency. Naturally, the rich-and-famous are the first expected passengers on the space flights. Rumor has it that heiress Paris Hilton, actress Sigourney Weaver, musician Dave Navarro, and actor William Shatner have all requested some of the first seats on the space ships.
The first ship will be named the Virgin SpaceShip Enterprise (VSS Enterprise), and the second will be named the VSS Voyager. (Trekkies out there will undoubtedly catch the reference).
The prices are expected to go down eventually, but that doesn’t mean that space travel will be ready for everyone. One rather notable restriction – women with breast implants may not be able to handle the trip - the change in altitude and pressure may cause the implants to…well, explode. Not a pretty picture.
Any would-be passengers with breast augmentations may just have to hold off on defying gravity – at least in outer space.
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