Serving Bel Air, Benedict Canyon, Beverly Hills. Brentwood, Laurel Canyon, Los Feliz, Malibu, Pacific Palisades, Melrose, Santa Monica, Sherman Oaks, Studio City, Topanga, Canyon, Westwood & Hollywood Hills.

Name

E-mail

facebook Canyon News twitter Canyon News

Canyon News

Bel Air News

Beverly Hills News

Brentwood News

Hollywood Hills News

Laurel Canyon News

Los Angeles News

Los Feliz News

Malibu News

Melrose News

Pacific Palisades News

Santa Monica News

Sherman Oaks News

Studio City News

Topanga Canyon News

West Hollywood News

Westwood News

Woodland Hills

Celebrity News

State News

National News

World Headlines

Deaf News

Entertainment

Film

Television

Music

On the Industry

Star Gazing

St. John's Confidential File

Theatrical Musings

Life & Style

Event Listings

Tech Talk

Looking Good For Lots Less

Spirit & Creativity

Miller Time

Books

View from the Hill

NY WEST

Chrystal's Recipe Corner

Career and Life Coaching

Gardening With Tony

Life According To Lenson

Real Estate Realities

Food

Sports

Marathon Running

Keeping It Bruin: A Look Into UCLA Athletics

Baseball

Basketball

Football

Hockey

Pets

Vi's Corner

Pet Tips

Point of View

John Armor

Message to America

Critic At Large... Ruta Lee

Labor Week

Ramblings

10 Degrees Cooler

McConnors corner

Edge of the west

The Physics Wizard

Auto

Kyle's Kars

Travel

Susan Michelle's Compass

Advice

Ask Deanna

Dear Lily

Ask Oona

Features

Dancing with Earthquakes

Archives

Sports Schedules

Traveling Beyond the Canyon

Edge of the West

Law Man

Ask Us

Nathan Tabor

The Angry Economist

Truth Probe

As I See It

Columnists

Truth Conquers

The Live Wire

Notes from Exile

Letters to the Editor

Dog Training by Anthony

Canyon Mews

Speak!

Sponsors

America's Most Wanted Dogs

World Recipes

Vegetarian Lifestyle

Humor

News Briefs

Local News

Books

News

Canyon Fodder

Bad Movie Night

Critical Projection

Ed's on the Town

Fitness Quests

Flashback Films

Stories of the Strange

Gourmet Grandma

He Said/She Said

Home Matters with Yvonne

L.A. Etch-a-Sketch

L.A. Ruminations

McConnor's Corner

Mommy Minute

Musically Speaking

My Back Pages

Publisher's Pages

ResourceINK

Scene and Heard in L.A.

Silly...But Wise!

Sunset Diaries

Table Options

The Paws Cause

TV Stuff

Cartoon of the Week



Bad Movie Night

Jack Frost 2: Revenge of the Mutant Killer Snowman
Posted by Socrates Crenshaw and Orlando W. Harris on Feb 20, 2004 - 8:40:00 AM

CNphoto42_1.jpg
This movie haunted us so much we had to stay up bowling 'til 5 in the morning, stone cold sober. The lows in this film are so low they become inverse, negative highs.

 

Exhibit A, it was shot on video tape. Exhibit B, it is called the "Revenge of the Mutant Killer Snowman." Exhibit C, the snowman was a giant fluffy snowsuit (We're sure he would have been a hit at one of those "Furries" parties), a la a high school film project meets Godzilla, except 'zilla is cool.  Exhibit D, the money on the movie went to the two CG shots of Jack in "action," disappearing into the snow, and the hologram cover on the tape.

 

But hey, there isn't any nudity! Woo-hoo? Our morals are intact?  Because C-movies actresses can't drop their trousers when a psychopathic Frosty is lurking out there in the warm waters of the Caribbean? What kind of a world do we live in? I'm telling you, we never truly got rid of the Commies. Even now they are tightening their grip on the White House, under the guise of PC movie "censors."  Those sand-baggers!

 

As you no doubt remember (because of course you've all seen the first movie), Jack had an unfortunate run in with a truck bed full of antifreeze. Oh yeah, antifreeze. He was buried under an unmarked grave, but those meddlesome beaker jockeys at the Federal Government unearth him and put him into a giant fish tank. The janitor spills something into the tank and Jack is reborn. How? Who cares?  This movie would really suck if Jack never showed up.

 

Now it turns out that Sam (our hero from the first movie, for those blighted beings who scoff at cinema of this caliber), and Jackie share a "link."  No, not like Frodo and the Ring; this is much scarier.  Not because there is anything inherently terrifying, but somebody actually thought that was a good idea, and somebody else agreed!  That's it, the search for intelligent life begins here on Earth. 

 

Kudos go out to the DP or the director or whoever decided that we needed the ice cube's POV shots when a model needed perkier "nipplage" for her "snow bunny on a tropical island" photo shoot. If they only had the cajoles to actually show a nipple, this would have been a landmark event in American cinema and surely would have been guaranteed annual screenings at UCLA and USC. 

 
CNphoto41_5.jpg
Photo Taken By Rachelle Sadler

What this movie lacks in plot, writing, direction, budget, effects, cast, acting, and freed breasts, it makes up for with unmitigated death for everyone. Best death is a unanimous vote for when Jack turns himself into a frozen anvil to kill a damsel in distress; you see it once, you'll see it forever. Extras just show up and die without even uttering a scream - the way it should be if they aren't getting naked.  

This movie avoided five nipple clamps for the simple inclusion of the ice-cam and the anvil and settled for three nipple clamps. See it tonight. 

Think you've seen something worse?  Or seen something at the video store that you don't have the guts to rent?  Send in any request that isn't "Manos, Hands of Fate," to entertainment@canyon-news.com and we'll brave the rapids.   



 

Cliffside Malibu

-------------------------

-------------------------

 

MANHATTAN BEACH

Serving Bel Air, Benedict Canyon, Beverly Hills. Brentwood, Laurel Canyon, Los Feliz, Malibu, Pacific Palisades, Melrose, Santa Monica, Sherman Oaks, Studio City, Topanga, Canyon, Westwood & Hollywood Hills.