LAUREL CANYON—Once again for us it’s Fire Season. North of 23.5 degrees latitude it’s Fall; people are buying fall fashions; campaigns are in full tilt; Michelle Obama is on David Letterman doing a Top Ten List. I thought I’d try my hand a the Top Ten Ways We Know It’s Fire Season.
And Here We Go !
Number 1: Fire in the Sepulveda Pass.
It happens with surprising regularity, and from this year’s 1,000’ plume of smoke, we thought it was in our backyard.
Number 2: Fire near Jack Nicholson’s house.
It counts because a fire near a celebrity’s house is more important than a fire in our own backyards.
Number 3: Dead worm.
I saw a worm that had apparently been fried on the hot sidewalk.
Number 4: Dead Strawberry Madrone trees.
These trees are touted to never need water. Apparently this is either a myth or an exaggeration. They are dying all over the ridge of Mulholland.
Number 5: Sycamore trees are dropping their leaves
North of the temperate zone (23.5 degrees north latitude) sycamore trees shed their leaves in the crisp fall weather. Here sycamores shed their leaves because its too darn hot and dry.
Number 6: Stripped parkland. The Santa Monica Mountains Conservancy has cleared the land to the ground to avoid the spread of brush fire. The County of Los Angeles has come by and cleared the same land. The Department of Corrections has sent its prisoners to clear the land, which by then is plain dirt, having been cleared since May by the other teams. You’d think these cash strapped outfits would coordinate. They think they do, but I’m here to say that they don’t.
Number 7: Smokey the bear signs.
Councilman Labonge just announced that a Neighborhood Council paid from $760 - $1,000/sign to get Smokey the Bear signs put up in fire prone canyon areas. It really is remarkable how irresponsible people are about cigarettes and fire management. Well we’re only driving through - who cares if we huck a cigarette butt out the window? Use your astray moron! You’d rather set the entire hillside on fire- thanks.
Number 8: We’re seriously considering buying “Barricade Gel”.
This stuff is a flame retardant gel you’re supposed to hose on your roof in the event of imminent fire. Then hose on more water, and the fire is not supposed to find an ignition point It’s like covering your house in jell-o.
Number 9: We’re evaluating the Defender 7:
This is a portable fighting pump that creates enough PSI to pull water out of your pool to hose down the perimeter of your yard, and soak the house down to prevent it from catching fire.
Number 10: The Voltage Meter on your electronics has tripped:
Thank god you bought such expensive equipment. This voltage meter is sensitive enough to protect your precious electronics from brown out and power surges when everyone has their AC on at full blast. You can’t watch TV or play your music, but you won’t have burned up your favorite toys. They come back on as the evening cools and the draw on electricity diminishes, so hang tight.
Yes, we are all drilled to death on fire safety. What’s your peeve?
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