Serving Bel Air, Benedict Canyon, Beverly Hills. Brentwood, Laurel Canyon, Los Feliz, Malibu, Pacific Palisades, Melrose, Santa Monica, Sherman Oaks, Studio City, Topanga, Canyon, Westwood & Hollywood Hills.

Name

E-mail

facebook Canyon News twitter Canyon News

Canyon News

Bel Air News

Beverly Hills News

Brentwood News

Hollywood Hills News

Laurel Canyon News

Los Angeles News

Los Feliz News

Malibu News

Melrose News

Pacific Palisades News

Santa Monica News

Sherman Oaks News

Studio City News

Topanga Canyon News

West Hollywood News

Westwood News

Woodland Hills

Celebrity News

State News

National News

World Headlines

Deaf News

Entertainment

Film

Television

Music

On the Industry

Star Gazing

St. John's Confidential File

Theatrical Musings

Life & Style

Event Listings

Tech Talk

Looking Good For Lots Less

Spirit & Creativity

Miller Time

Books

View from the Hill

NY WEST

Chrystal's Recipe Corner

Career and Life Coaching

Gardening With Tony

Life According To Lenson

Real Estate Realities

Food

Sports

Marathon Running

Keeping It Bruin: A Look Into UCLA Athletics

Baseball

Basketball

Football

Hockey

Pets

Vi's Corner

Pet Tips

Point of View

John Armor

Message to America

Critic At Large... Ruta Lee

Labor Week

Ramblings

10 Degrees Cooler

McConnors corner

Edge of the west

The Physics Wizard

Auto

Kyle's Kars

Travel

Susan Michelle's Compass

Advice

Ask Deanna

Dear Lily

Ask Oona

Features

Dancing with Earthquakes

Archives

Sports Schedules

Traveling Beyond the Canyon

Edge of the West

Law Man

Ask Us

Nathan Tabor

The Angry Economist

Truth Probe

As I See It

Columnists

Truth Conquers

The Live Wire

Notes from Exile

Letters to the Editor

Dog Training by Anthony

Canyon Mews

Speak!

Sponsors

America's Most Wanted Dogs

World Recipes

Vegetarian Lifestyle

Humor

News Briefs

Local News

Books

News

Canyon Fodder

Bad Movie Night

Critical Projection

Ed's on the Town

Fitness Quests

Flashback Films

Stories of the Strange

Gourmet Grandma

He Said/She Said

Home Matters with Yvonne

L.A. Etch-a-Sketch

L.A. Ruminations

McConnor's Corner

Mommy Minute

Musically Speaking

My Back Pages

Publisher's Pages

ResourceINK

Scene and Heard in L.A.

Silly...But Wise!

Sunset Diaries

Table Options

The Paws Cause

TV Stuff

Cartoon of the Week



View from the Hill

Too Dumb for a Smartphone
Posted by Catherine Durkin Robinson on Sep 11, 2011 - 9:02:11 PM

LOS ANGELES—The only thing that scares me more than borrowing my husband’s nasal hair clippers, is borrowing his cell phone. Oh sure, I can talk on it. But only when I’m not applying myself.

Husband’s digital trouble maker can do so much more, like text, take pictures, and entertain ten year-old boys with fun applications like the one that unleashes a symphony of bodily noises at just the right moment during Friday night services.

Naturally, for my 41st birthday, Husband gave me a Smartphone of my own. Imagine my surprise when I discovered it was smarter than me.

Beforehand, I had always thought of myself as an intelligent woman. Not brilliant maybe, but smart enough to watch foreign films and drink wine at the same time. I can also convince two kids to get in the shower at least five times a week.

Then I tried using my new phone and after a few minutes, I realized dementia is right around the corner.

I really don’t need this kind of pressure. When children, college funds, and expensive vacuum cleaners came into our lives, Husband and I stopped exchanging extravagant birthday presents. I can still remember the days when jewelry and four-star restaurants were the norm, but now we prefer a savings account.

This year, however, he insisted I join him and the rest of our preoccupied friends. Husband traded in my archaic and generic cell phone (read: convenient and easy to use) and now I’m stuck with machinery that requires tutorials, webinars, and at least four advanced degrees.

I’m not trying to sound ungrateful. After all, this device helps me identify familiar songs while standing in line at Subway and solar systems in the night sky. Who can put a price tag on that? But this so-called “touch pad” is practically useless once I put on hand lotion.

So if I have to choose between dry skin and conversations with the plumber, who can’t hear me anyway, I’m probably going to choose my skin and live with the faulty toilet.

There are some benefits to carrying a computer in my purse. I can read email and find shortcuts to my doctor’s office. But I still have an anxiety attack every time the downloaded Lady Gaga ringtone starts buzzing, always at top volume during business meetings, and I can’t figure out how to make it stop.

Husband has tried to help me understand and feel comfortable with this new technology. He’s even tried to retrieve messages for me, which leaves me eternally grateful that a) he’s a patient man and b) that my secret admirers no longer text.

Let’s face it, my life is complicated enough.

I’ve even been forced to record a more honest outgoing message.

“I can’t come to the phone right now. This damn thing is either being charged or my kids are watching a YouTube video. Leave a message and if I ever figure out how it works, I’ll call you back.”

I hope no one is holding their breath.



 

Cliffside Malibu

-------------------------

-------------------------

 

Serving Bel Air, Benedict Canyon, Beverly Hills. Brentwood, Laurel Canyon, Los Feliz, Malibu, Pacific Palisades, Melrose, Santa Monica, Sherman Oaks, Studio City, Topanga, Canyon, Westwood & Hollywood Hills.