BEVERLY HILLS—Just about the only perfect thing in my life… was my dad.
As I watched my insecure friends go through broken dysfunctional relationships, I started realizing it was because their relationship with their dad was not only lacking, but often empty and sad.
Let’s face it…your dad was your first introduction to “man.” That is who you view as the highest level of being, your hero, your Rockstar, your protector and your boss. He’s your superhero. So if your dad was not a good one, that is who you expect your boyfriends to be… for better or for worse!
I think most girls end up dating men that share the same traits as their father. Except for me, I am still unable to find anyone that can remotely compare to half the man my father was.
However, I do know things like being treated like a lady, whether it is the way you are spoken to or the way he walks by your side or whether or not he opens the door for you or considers your comfort as much as his own…. Or how he tells you the unedited truth, even if it hurts… it is likely how your father treated your mother… and you!
In this modern era, the way relationships go is mind boggling. So from the way I understand how most people are courting their future forever-man is:
a) They meet someone they think is cute.
b) They have sex nearly immediately.
c) They hangout (i.e Netflix and chill) …more than they go out, which leads to more pre-marital baby-making activities.
d) Then they make a concerted effort to schedule a routine date-night because if they don’t schedule it they will forget it and then the relationship goes sour.
So, they go out once a week and then after 6 months if they haven’t stopped their routine by then, they become Facebook official… which is basically girlfriend and boyfriend.
Wow, how terribly depressing. And people think MARRIAGE is depressing? I would rather have an arranged marriage in Lebanon before I would have an American cultural modern relationship.
Who decides this stuff?
So I have a friend who believes I belong in the 18th century and swears I am the only virgin over the age of 16 living in Los Angeles. She basically makes fun of me for it, but then I see her go from guy to guy and I do the math. 1 in 3 people between the ages of 18 and 34 have a sexually transmitted disease.
From my calculations (not that I’m counting) she has been with maybe 17 guys. She has statistically crossed paths with a sexually transmitted disease more than 12 times and she is still complaining that her newest boyfriend can’t stop talking to his ex, can’t stop ogling other woman and prefers to go get drunk with the boys rather than to be alone with her.
OMG really? Well why would he ogle you… you already gave him every experience in your first month, what is left of you? Nothing, it is time for him to move on! So you are really thinking it’s the other women? Nope it’s you! Take responsibility for your body and don’t just give it away like it’s chewed up gum.
On the contrary, in my relationships after the first initial 2-3 months I am begging my guy to go get drunk with his boys because it’s not healthy to spend all this time together. He needs his man bonding time. That is the way it goes. I support that. However, typically speaking, when he’s getting drunk with his friends he’s texting me all night to ask me what I’m doing and if I miss him.
Hmmmm, opposite scenario here! Why is that? Could it be my 18th century values? … because I’m definitely not hotter than my friend. She has to chase her boys after the first few dates and then she’s left every time feeling sad, abandoned, used, abused and well taken advantage of.
When I’m in a relationship it’s exciting and intriguing. I have not been in one relationship where they guy is ogling women and my waist size has deeply fluctuated, yet, regardless of what that current size is… They are still into me, not the size 2 queen model at the next table. My boyfriends don’t ogle… That just never happens in my relationships. I am with a guy who is wanting to be with me not someone else and well obviously it’s not just for sex.
My father was so respectful to my mother at all times, and to me! I was his priority. He opened the doors for me, waited while I got manicures suggesting which color to pick for the day, played basketball with me, and was patient while I shopped for a new lip gloss. He supported me taking care of myself and respecting my body and my confidence. If a guy I like doesn’t share the major traits as my father, he’ll never be my boyfriend.
I pity anyone that didn’t have the experience I had. It allowed me to build character, strength and compassion. It allowed me to intimately trust a man without losing my boundaries and self-respect. And well if something goes wrong which happens in most relationships, I don’t feel used, abandoned or abused. I feel like my most recent break up song (Blue October, Hate Me) says, “And with a sad heart I say bye to you and wave”… and then I think, wow I’m so glad I didn’t have sex with him… now I’m one step closer to knowing who I want in my forever-man.