UNITED STATES—Let’s talk about an issue that I think should be discussed a lot more in today’s society than we discuss: divorce. Divorce is something many people have encountered, while others come from families of divorce. Back in the days the idea of a divorce was second nature; it was something that people were expected not to do. If there was trouble in the marriage, the goal was to work it out the best possible. Nowadays, that is NOT the case people.

Divorce is common, it happens all the time, and the sanctity of marriage seems more like a joke than anything else. I mean we’re seeing people rush to get married, only to find themselves divorced a few months later, a few weeks later, and in rare situations a few days later. Yes, that’s crazy. Lust and love are two different things people, and I think a lot of people confuse the two when jumping into marriage, which ultimately leads to divorce. So many are against cohabitating, but I think it’s vital before marriage. Why? You need to understand the quirks and habits of your lover before taking the plunge of walking down the aisle.

Some people get married and then discover their significant other is a slob or has habits that simply drive them crazy, so much to the point that they can’t handle the madness. However, my focus is on the aftershocks of divorce. For children divorce can be unrelenting, and have ripple effects that last FOREVER. I am a child of divorce, my parents got divorced when I was 6 or 7. And I can recall vividly the rifts in the marriage where my parents would argue, and it would escalate to yelling and screaming matches. Its uncomfortable people and it’s something I think parents have to be aware of when in the presence of children or in the home.

The idea of divorce became a reality and for me and my siblings we had a level of resentment for both of my parents. One didn’t get a pass over the other, and as time passed, both parents moved onto others, which raised the issue of dealing with step parents. I never think it’s easy for someone to come into a situation where they have to deal with kids that are not theirs.

However, at the same time, I think it’s vital that a person who is in a relationship with someone who has kids understands you are expected to treat those kids like your own. If you’re not able to open up to the idea of being a parent, you should not be in that relationship. What is worse? The parent should not be willing to allow that person to be in the presence of their children if they don’t have the natural desire to parent. Divorce can be nasty especially when it comes to dividing assets and finances, and of course you have the issue of custody between parents.

I’m a firm believer a child NEEDS both parents in their lives. I do understand there are situations where that is not possible, but if it is INDEED possible the mother and father need to play active roles in their children’s lives to ensure proper development. Being vindictive to your former lover in a divorce is NOT good for the children people. Try to get over yourselves and focus on the most important thing: the KIDS.

For some, this can lead to issues of child support. To really have a discussion on child support really takes 2-3 columns personally people, because it’s a complicated topic and issue. I will discuss that child support is just that: money for the kids, not the PARENT. There definitely needs to be legal adjustments to this issue to find ways to ensure the money provided by one parent to the sole custodian of the child or children is properly being used. That is not money for your personal habits or upkeep people.

Kids who come from divorce can have trepidations about getting married. Seeing one’s parent endure such emotional turmoil, is something they might not want to put their children through or themselves. Divorce is nasty, it is life-changing and something that should not be taken lately. If a marriage is in disarray and the infighting has gotten so bad its impacting the children, a divorce is needed. At the same time, one should not expect a divorce to not change their lives, because things will never be the same.

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