LAUREL CANYON—Outsiders foolishly assume that Laurel Canyon is a good tune-up for the Monte Carlo Grand Prix. Locals know they are lurking.  In the ’60s when the north side of Laurel Canyon was first opened, drivers would open up their carburetors and clutch their Hurst gear shifter ready to take that right turn onto Mulholland, and challenge the turns.  These days it’s all about the fuel injectors.  I’ve seen Ferraris with automatic transmissions. Scandalous if you ask me.  That’s a lot of money to pay for a “chick magnet.” You’d be a “claimer” if you even suggested there’s some machismo to driving an automatic macchina da coursa.

Part of running this gauntlet is avoiding The Tin Men.  Who are they?  The motorcycle mounted traffic officers attached to the LAPD.  At first I thought Tin Man referred to the fact that they were mounted on metal motorcycles, and in the Wild West the Sheriff wore a tin badge.  The story is way better than that.  Locals will tell you that our Tin Men are named after the Tin Man in the Wizard of Oz.  Heartless.  You speed ”“ you get a ticket. Period. Don’t waste your time trying to talk your way out of it.

Most of the tickets get written for drivers southbound around the Doňa Pegita.  Northbound drivers get tickets a little further on, near Canton.

When you’re on the side of the road waiting for the officer to write you up, you should consider how many very serious accidents take place on LaurelCanyon.  It’s really dangerous.  The road is actually sloped to the west.  I think it’s designed for water run off.  This design makes it tough for your car to hang onto the road at high speeds. And when it’s wet out there it’s a million times worse. What happens is water actually drifts across the roadbed.  We have the worst situation – grade meets cross slope.  At a speed of only 45 mph, with .1 inches of rain on the road, you and your car have joined the Olympic 4-man-bobsled team hydroplaning down the hill.  Youdon’t need to have rainy weather to have some nut loose control at the upper turns and cross into oncoming traffic.  Ask the LAFD at Station #97 on Mulholland how many times they respond to calls on the 2-lane section of Laurel Pass.  So the Tin Men are out there to remind you that speeding on this road is always dangerous.  It may not be your mistake, it might be someone else’s mistake.  If you’re a victim, you’re still injured.

Dealing with the Tin Men has an added obstacle on Laurel Canyon.  So what’s the Speed Limit?  It’s tricky.  There are signs almost every 50 yards: 25 MPH, 30MPH, 35 MPH.  The signs up the hill are different from down the hill. I’m shocked!  Apparently the yellow signs stating a speed are only suggestions.  According to DOT the white signs that have a number and “Speed Limit” written on them are true speed limits for which you can get a ticket.

Ah ha! Most of the signs on Laurel Canyon are yellow?  So there’s no limit? No.  25 MPH is the limit on city streets unless otherwise posted.  So the yellow signs are just messing with us?