UNITED STATES—I can’t believe I’m talking about this, but I guess in some odd way this is my therapy. I think this has been beaten into me since I was a little kid, you never talk about family business. That is not information you put out there into the streets. However, it sometimes begs the question, when do you stop protecting the family that is hurting you more than you can explain with words.
If there is one thing that I never expected from any of my siblings, it is to be physically assaulted. Yes, you get into intense arguments with your siblings, but we’ve never come to blows until now. Well, if I’m being honest it would have to be my youngest brother who is the worst, and I always knew that in the back of my mind. Look, I will just say it, he’s an addict. He has serious substance abuse issues and refuses to acknowledge it.
A decade ago, it was bad, but nothing to the degree that it has become now in 2025. He can’t keep a job, or he refuses to keep one. His primary focus is to be able to drink and party. Don’t ask because I cannot give you an explanation that makes actual sense. With that said, he has gotten a bit irrational when he is on a bender. Getting in my face and screaming won’t do much, but when you start to put hands on me that is another story.
Recently, that happened and it has changed the dynamics and not in the best of ways. I’m the type of person if you don’t bother me, I won’t bother you. I don’t like drama; I already have enough stress in my life between dealing with family, work, school and so much more. Adding onto my plate of stress is not good for me mentally. It forces me to have to take a break and decompress and evaluate my relationships.
The moment you place your hands on me, I will indeed defend myself, especially if I feel my life is at risk. My brother tested me and discovered, I’m no pushover like he thinks. I might remain calm in most situations, but we all have a dark side, mine saw rage recently and I didn’t like it one bit. So how can I best say this? My relationship with that sibling is now dunzo for the time being. I love him, but it is going to have to be from a distance at this point, because the turmoil and chaos that he has brought to my life; I can no longer tolerate it.
You can indeed love family from a distance because these are the people who will do some of the most wicked and cruelest things to you. The reality is you’re expected to turn over a new leaf as if nothing ever transpired and all is ok. No, no, no, you can’t just do wicked things and not expect there to be any consequences as a result. I had people in my family in uproar over the incident, explaining you have to forgive him. No, no I really don’t. You don’t pull a gun on me and expect me not to react.
Listen, I have trauma from being robbed at gunpoint 15 years ago. Worst time of my life, because with every fiber in my body, when they say you see your life flash before your eyes when you think you’re going to die, I experienced that. I wish I could explain it in words where people could understand, but I can’t. I already had one sibling pull a weapon on me in a drunken rage that changed our relationship, now I have another brother do the same thing. How can I best say this? If you’re going to pull a weapon out on me, you better use it, otherwise I’m not going to be responsible for what happens next.
I’m tired of being the person who has to sweep things under the rug and act as if things are all ok, when they’re not. Family can be very toxic, and sometimes you have to pull yourself away from the toxicity to have peace and to know what you will tolerate and what you will not. I’m not going to tolerate violence and stress in my life. I’m taking control of the energy in my life and eliminating the bad aura, hell, I have even spoken to a therapist. Perhaps, the first time since I was robbed to process things.
The common theme that comes up over and over again is anxiety and I know I have it. I hate it, but at least I can acknowledge I have it and I am doing my best to deal with and address it. So many Americans ignore our mental health and that is not a good thing. We can’t just ignore it as if it doesn’t matter, especially when it is impacted by family, sometimes the ones closest to you. I will always love my family, but I’ve discovered as of late that love can be from a distance.
I don’t always have to have you in my inner orbit. Blood is blood, you will always have love for them, but that doesn’t mean you can always tolerate them. If its impacting your mental health and emotions that you cannot control, that is a problem, and you have to be willing to acknowledge it and deal with it. Don’t ignore it, family is important, but so are you.
