UNITED STATES—This is truly a conversation I have been wanting to have for years, maybe a decade plus if not longer. We are always hearing the term “what does it means to be a man?” I want someone to tell me exactly what that means, and who on this Earth has the right to determine that. What makes one man more qualified to be a man more than others?

Ok, you’ve done some research? And? Research can be flawed, but you never hear people say, “what does it mean to be a woman?” that alone is a double standard, but let’s seriously have a conversation because how this theory or notion is addressed is important for societal reflection. Look, there is no secret we live in a society where gender roles have become normalized and they are expected. If you look like a male, you are expected to act like one. If you look like a woman you are expected to act like one.

These norms have followed us since the dawn of time, and that is where the danger really comes into play that not many people understand or fathom. Yes, we had the MeToo moment which was great because it took a hammer to the male dominated Entertainment industry that abused its power to get the things they wanted. In the midst of that, many people argued that society killed the idea of what it meant to be a man.

Look, there is nothing wrong with a guy going up to a girl and asking her out. The problem is when the guy is creepy or weird about it. That is different. Then we have that issue of toxic masculinity, which does exist and it is indeed a discussion that has to be had. How would I best describe it? Making it appear that all manly things matter, and the male has to exert his authority and dominance at all time. A lot of people argue this with a ton of the male podcasts that are out there, where issues of the male role in the household, the workforce and relationships tend to be front-and-center.

There are situations where you have the male being misogynist, locker room chatter and adhering to social norms. I know plenty of men who do NOT partake in sports. They don’t care to watch and it’s just not their thing. That DOES NOT make them less of a man because of that. All males are not made the same and that is the problem with societal norms. They need to be challenged more.

This issue is so potent with men and emotions. We’re told as kids, to man up and to not cry, but the moment you do you’re labeled a sissy and less of a man as a result. I recall this year several months ago, I broke down in tears in the worst way possible. I’m not a crier, never have been, but the pressures of life, dealing with a sick parent, just broke me. I balled and I had to let it out, and I did it with my mom of all people. Did I feel embarrassed absolutely, but she reassured me there was nothing to be ashamed of, but the question to ask is why was I even embarrassed to cry in the first-place people?

Think about that. The world of social media and the internet have made things worse because we’re spending too much time online and not as much time ACTUALLY interacting with people face-to-face, as a result many men are losing social skills, so they don’t know how to interact with the opposite sex. We constantly say we have to challenge the norms of what we claim or not to claim that defines a man. The labeling element has to stop and that is something that many people have still reframed from embracing.

I think the key is to stop thinking what society defines a man to be and utilize your definition of a man. You don’t have to adhere to the norms that society believes everyone should agree to. There is not a single man that is exactly like the other. We are all different and how we define that term should be up to us, not the rest of the world.