UNITED STATES—73% of males and 60% of females in college report having at least one hookup during their college years, and more than a third (35%) of US adults aged 25-34 have been in a friends-with-benefits relationship at some point. The lifetime sexual partners of Gen Z adults aged 18-23 number 3.1 on average, showing they’re not disinclined toward casual encounters.

According to 2024 estimates, hookup partners or people in friends-with-benefits arrangements stay together for three months on average before one person loses interest or develops feelings. Around half of casual relationships end within three months. After half a year, most casual relationships have naturally run their course as people seek commitment or intimacy that is not being met.

When a casual relationship makes it past six months with no sign of the status changing, the dynamic remaining permanent becomes increasingly likely.

Even casual connections come with implicit rules

In environments where power and influence are currency, even a “no strings attached” connection can carry implicit rules—like discretion, emotional restraint, or the understanding that one’s time and presence are valuable. These dynamics can make intimacy itself seem and feel strategic, especially when the parties involved are acutely aware of what the other brings to the table.

A survey of 221 college students published in the journal Sex Roles revealed that both men and women thought becoming emotionally attached to someone who was not interested in them was among the biggest risks of hooking up and dating in general. It follows that at least some people pursue casual relationships as a way to protect themselves from getting hurt. Theoretically, they face a lower risk of rejection by investing less.

In another survey of college-age men and women, 50% of women and 52% of men admitted that they hooked up with someone hoping to trigger a longer relationship. This survey did not consider economic factors, but the implication is that someone would be even likelier to want something beyond a casual relationship with a wealthy person to develop, and word getting out would present a considerable risk even if it stayed casual.

The stakes in elite social settings are often higher

Casual relationships may be expected to align with or uphold a certain image, especially if public perception is a factor. There’s often an assumption of mutual understanding—that boundaries won’t need to be spelled out, and emotional involvement should stay in check. However, miscommunication can quickly surface when those unspoken rules aren’t mutually understood or respected. Unconventional relationships present further complications, especially when more than two people are involved.

The higher stakes have led some members of affluent circles to try their luck on niche dating apps like Luxy, which marketed itself as “Tinder, minus the poor people” when it launched more than a decade ago. Luxy’s founders claim the business model has worked right from the start. Existing members evaluate candidates in a 24-hour vetting process, after which the team does another filtering round to make sure the candidate is a good fit. No more than 15% of candidate users are accepted, and half of them make more than half a million a year. While money isn’t the most important consideration on apps for elite users like Luxy, most people want a partner who’s at least as successful in life as they are and grasps the unspoken expectations of casual relationships, which all relationships start out as.

Recap  

  • Reputation and discretion are critical in elite circles
  • A CEO casually dating a journalist will assume no leaks
  • Famous influencers who are dating will expect mutual social media silence
  • None of this will be discussed.