UNITED STATES—I tell this to people all the time that family are the people who will betray and hurt you more than a complete stranger. It seems the ties of blood forces us to want to forgive and forget even though our gut tells us otherwise. Why do I say that? I recently attended a family wedding, where some people were invited and some were not. Look, I totally get when it comes to a wedding that you have a limit who you can invite and who you can’t.

With that being said, why weave a tale or complete lie to save face with other people. The groom, who happens to be my second cousin, in my personal opinion purposely invited some people and left others off the list. I didn’t want to be the one to call it out, and I didn’t for the sake of the wedding, but I could see what was transpiring behind the scenes. How can I best say this? You were selective in terms of who was part of the celebratory event and who was not., so don’t deny it.

Look, I totally get it and that is a decision that you have the right to make. There are people who drink too much, those who don’t know how to behave in a public setting, and just those family members who just don’t mesh well with others. Come out and say it then; don’t beat around the bush and say, “Oh, I told such and such and I expected them to pass the message along.”

Really, I’m supposed to buy that excuse. There are times when you’re dealing with family that it is difficult to bite your tongue and not say what you’re truly feeling or thinking. That happens more often than I would like to say when dealing with my father’s side of the family. Some people are just inauthentic.

You never know when they’re being honest of if they are just blowing smoke. It’s like high school. You have this one big happy family, but in the midst of the mayhem we have these little cliques, where certain people associate with certain people. They’ll be cordial to you, but you know there is an angle of some sorts along the way, even if you hoped that was not the case. I almost want to say the same thing happens on my mother’s side of the family, but we tend to be more unified than apart from my perspective.

That being said, I’m used to dealing with fake people in the workplace, at school and in daily life, but when it comes to family I expect honesty, transparency and compassion. You do not have to sell me anything, because we are family we’re bonded by blood, say what you mean and mean what you say. There is no need to bite your tongue or to hold back.

I mean if you’re doing it, what is the reason? You’re afraid of hurting my feelings; you don’t want to ruffle feathers? I’d rather you give me the full you without any filter that way I know what I’m dealing with as soon as I walk into a situation instead of having to guess what is going on. I can deal with a lot of fakeness in my life, but when it comes to family I just will NOT tolerate it.