UNITED STATES—Have you ever found yourself caught in the middle of a family squabble that you wish never happened? Of course, it happens to me more times than I can count. In one corner you have this family member angry at this person for reasons unknown, and the other family member angry at that person for reasons unknown.

Is there a way to solve this compromise without things getting nasty? Yes. Don’t take sides. The biggest issue that divides families the quickest is when people not involved in a squabble decide to take sides without knowing the entire story. This is problematic, for so many reasons. It creates tension between the other party, families members start to question your loyalty and worse of all you involve yourself in a squabble that has nothing to do with you.

When two people you care about are at odds it’s not easy to find a way to mend those fences. I’ll be honest you should allow those family members to find a way to squash their issues. Whenever you attempt to play the mediator, you only open the door for more chaos to ensue. Never allow yourself to get into the middle of things.

Things can turn sour fairly quickly, and it can cause more friction in the family dynamic. Before you know it, it can be 30 against 1 and when that happens, all hell can be unleashed. Dark secrets from the past can emerge, harsh words can be exchanged and in some cases physical violence moves front and center.

The issue with family infighting is that it can lead to excessive grudges being held. People are not willing to allow small things go. They’ll continue to bring up the past, over and over again, until the “guilty” party in their eyes acknowledges what was wrong. I’ve seen family members literally not talk to one another for years simply because of issues surrounding money.

Jeez, I so hate the idea of money to begin with, whoever came up with the concept, the material, and the theory should be banished for life. Money creates problems. Guess what, the fight was all over a few bucks that was owed to someone. That’s the thing with family, people say can I borrow, and that is a mistake.

Do not ask to borrow money, if you know in your heart you will not be able to give it back. You never know if the person who lent you that money will be in desperate need of it in a few days or a few weeks. Back to my point, the reason I get so disgusted around family infighting is that it always takes place front and center at a time of mourning.

When the family should be bonding, but instead they are at each others throats. I’ve come to suspect it which is quite alarming, but what is more scary is the fact that some tend to thrive on that drama. It fuels their behavior, their motivations and a host of other pathetic things.

At the end of the day, it’s your family. You can’t change who you’re related to and it’s not worth taking a bad grudge or hate to your grave or living with guilt because you didn’t make up before it was too late. Time and time again this happens in the family, blood is thicker than water, why allow something so silly and stupid to divide the unit of family.