UNITED STATES—Climb aboard the crazy train, it’s going to be one of those days!
Two words were enough to kick-start my daily morning rage today! What’s funny? I actually write stuff like this ALL THE TIME and then delete it, aware it will be chalked up as whining…
When thinking about the things my children are lacking, that I didn’t possess in order to TEACH THEM, it reiterates my internal child that screams: IT’S NOT FAIR.
Not fair that my children lost the parent lottery while those of scumbags and predators will reap the rewards of a parent with NO CONSCIOUS!
Look back at my writings and you won’t be surprised when I confess to being so “CRAZY” that I was on 19 pills a day by my late 20s, but they couldn’t stop me from having flashbacks and memories of things that were not pleasant.
When the DR proposed a 20th pill to protect my esophagus from the damage occurring from the other pills, I stopped the pills and my mind has been in constant struggle since. Unfortunately, I now have Barrett’s esophagus, and think it could be from all those damn pills.
Knowing my life will be shorter than the others makes me want to hurry and say all I have to say. The people who hurt me, both with direct actions OR thru neglect of action, now they are the ones popping pills and wine bottles to forget their own ethical and moral crimes, but it won’t work.
ONLY the truth will set you free.
Sounds cliche? Maybe that’s because it’s true.
As I tell my stories I feel better. This is my catharsis. Every time I let it out I feel a little better. NOT ONLY THAT but after purging, my disassociation kicks in and I forget all about it until something triggers me again.
If there’s something a victim can learn from me, IT’S THIS: back when I was suffering from disturbing nightmares every night, I started writing them into fiction stories. It was like I OWNED it, and the nightmares stopped! Whether it was because I started keeping pen and paper next to my pillow to gather them, or that I mixed in stories from real life: SOMETHING stopped the nightmares!
Maybe these writings will help stop memories the same way? I removed the heinous individuals from my life, the last thing to do is voice this concern as part of “the record” of my life, for those who don’t already have a copy of my autobiography…
When she was 15 or 16 I told her he was a molester, what he did to me. I couldn’t be around, so I wanted her to guard herself. I loved her.
About 20 years go by and I “throw a fit” aka leave dinner without eating because he wouldn’t leave me alone, this man I shouldn’t have been forced to be around anyway. The man who had been caught the previous summer taking photos of my 15 year old’s butt, as she bent over crawling into a bunny cage.
I guess in poor and dysfunctional families THIS IS NORMAL BEHAVIOR?
Not everyone noticed the way he followed me around at gatherings, or cared when I BEGGED other family members “PLEASE – I will continue to keep my mouth shut but keep him away from me.” FOREVER THE (dumb) SCAPEGOAT TRYING NOT TO ROCK THE BOAT.
Instead of understanding why I didn’t want to be near the man that psychology textbooks say I should NOT have been around, she later tells MY CHILD that I was “trying to start a problem” because I have “history” with the man: my daughter shouldn’t worry.
Weeks later I bring it up, wanting to know what kind of educated professional calls an adult molesting a child “history?” Was she confused? Did college teach her that what I went through could be delegitmized and put off as “history” because it is an inconvenient truth?”
I remind her this isn’t something I’m pulling out of my ass. IN FACT: I told her to beware of him more than 20 years ago, afraid he would “try something” with her.
She laughs, grabs her wine, says “oh, and he did” LIKE IT’S NO BIG DEAL that the same person who helped ruin me ALSO tried something with her.
It should have made HER believe me, but instead she continues to think she can sum up child molestation that was bad enough to mentally scar me – as “history?”
SHE HAS A DAUGHTER NOW.
I wonder if she sits on his lap. I wonder if I should remind her how good he was at sticking fingers up the side of my shorts and into my underwear without anyone seeing? Would she believe me or just ignore it until there’s another ruined girl?
Should I remind her how I would squirm to escape and he would pretend he was tickling me, making people think that’s what was going on? Why I kept yelling stop!
Although I have been affected by disbelief, lack of morals, and lack of action by from this person, I have a feeling it will be a WHOLE DIFFERENT STORY if it affects her. How will she feel WHEN SOMEONE TALKS TO HER CHILD THE WAY SHE DID MINE?
But I will be haunted twice as much now because I realize for a human to be aware of the situation and choose to ignore it, it shows the type of ETHICS she has. If she didn’t acknowledge a case she was 100 percent cognizant of as true THEN OR NOW, what will happen if other little children tell their horror stories to her? ANOTHER coverup?
It is sad and shows you how despicable the average American citizen has become. How they care about nothing but themselves, even to the detriment of children.
Thank you for letting me share my venom with you, CANYON NEWS, over and over again.