UNITED STATES—I feel like for the last year, it literally feels like chaos has been in my life. There has just been one thing after another, so much to the point that my brain is in overload mode. I have not slept in months. When I fall asleep, I feel like it is time to get up. That might be a result of me being a super lite sleeper, where the small sound or noise can wake me and then it takes hours for me to fall back asleep.
I have been running on steam, my father was in the hospital for literal months, got out to only have to go back into the hospital because of a serious infection. Then, I had the stress of dealing with school, then I had pulls from work obligations, then most recently my mom suffered two strokes on both sides of her body, and I’ve had to step on cooking meals, cleaning and doing pretty much things she can’t do.
It doesn’t feel like it, but I’m working 7 days a week, and my life has been like that for 12 months. Very little sleep, constantly on the move and not having much if anytime for myself. As soon as I get a moment of peace of solitude, someone wants something and it just sucks all the life out of me. I hate it, but that is the reality. I even broke down in utter tears dealing with my dad’s situation because I just couldn’t take it anymore.
It saddened me, but I realized I needed it. It was so cathartic that I have come to realize you cannot do it all. I try, but the reality is you will indeed explode if you don’t take time for yourself. I don’t need a lot of time to myself, but I do have to take a few hours just once a week, where I escape from work, I escape from school, I escape from family and I just do me. Whatever brings me joy, I have to focus my energies on those things and just disconnect.
Sometimes that means turning off the phone or muting it because I feel compelled by it. Every time it vibrates or flashes, I have the worst palpitations because I worry it’s something bad. I wish I could change the notion in my mind, but it’s not easy. What I’ve come to realize though is the phone doesn’t have to be in my possession 24/7. Why we think that America, I don’t know, but I am disconnecting from it more and more. It’s for communication, it is not my life. I need to take the control from the phone and put that control back into my hands.
Sometimes carving out that solo time is watching a movie, going to the movies, listening to music, reading a book, taking a walk, grabbing a bite to eat or even cleaning the home. I sometimes even like venturing to the mall because I get to distract myself for a few hours. I don’t necessarily have to buy anything, even though I am very likely to do so, my worries dissipate.
For like the first time in years, I am planning an actual vacation where I travel to a destination to escape it all near the end of this year. I don’t take vacations often because my life makes it so difficult to make that a reality, but I am in desperate need of this one and I cannot wait. I’m even marking it down on the calendar, as I consider muting my phone completely during the time frame, so I don’t have any and I mean any disturbances or distractions in any capacity.
Take it from me, if you don’t take time for yourself it will cause you more mental stress than you can express in words. Too many of us neglect our mental health, but you have to realize if you don’t help yourself, there is no way for you to help others.
