UNITED STATES—It is a question I think everyone thinks about all the time: how do you handle grief? Is there a proper way to handle grief? The actual response to that question is NO. Grief is this funny thing because it shows up in the most unexpected ways and it’s unpredictable. One moment you’re laughing, the next minute you are in tears. I think I’m speaking about grief because I don’t always handle it well.
I keep my emotions bottled up. I don’t think I do that intentionally, but I don’t want people to think I am not able to endure. It has nothing to do with the dynamics of gender when it comes to being a ‘MAN’ and not showing weakness. I just think my emotions come out when I least expect it that might be the result of being an Aquarius. I do think we’re emotional beings, but we hate stupidity at the same time.
Each day that I get older, each day that I live I’m coming to the realization that it is ok to allow my emotions to show. I don’t have to allow things to stay bottled up and then explode in a way that is too unhealthy. I think I’ve only cried massively twice in my life and when I say that I mean ugly crying. I have had many deaths in my family, and I had to attend many funerals.
I don’t think I lack emotions; I just grieve in different ways. I don’t always make it be known on my face. There is a brave face that I constantly keep up so people know I’m not breakable. However, the realization hits me: it is ok to break at times. Putting your emotions out on the table helps you more than you expect sometimes. The 2 times that I truly cried, ironically, they both involved my father. On each occasion it was this immense level of pressure that he puts on me.
The first time I was in college, and I already had so much on my plate, I didn’t need to hear some of the unnecessary nonsense he was pushing, but I don’t think he even realized it. Before you know it, the tears and the emotions just came flooding out. I probably cried for 5 minutes, but I felt so relieved after it was all said and done.
The other time I cried was more recent within the past year or so. My father was quite sick, and his behavior was just nonsensical and nasty, and the way he was treating people was unlike anything I had ever endured. It resulted in me breaking down to my mother, which I had never done. I apologized profusely, but she reassured me that it was ok, in the moment, I didn’t think it was, but a few minutes later I realized it was. Why? I felt this massive weight had been lifted off my shoulders.
Crying is something every American should do at least once a week. Why? It is a release of potential frustrations in life, all the stressors and things that you have been bothered by you just let them out in your tears if possible. I think crying can be therapeutic, as long as it doesn’t stifle your ability to operate in a daily capacity. That is a problem with most Americans, we don’t display our emotion and they slowly but surely eat us alive.
