UNITED STATES—Shame happens when we’re accused of thinking we are better than someone else. That’s because religion-based cultures teach NOT to judge, but let’s be honest. WE DO ANYWAY.
So many people are walking through life with a dysfunctional hierarchy in their mind, making them legitimately feel, think, and believe they’re better. Let’s think about why someone would say that. It is very simple to me:
- They think they are better.
- They are told they are better.
- THEY ARE BETTER.
If someone felt so frustrated that they needed to tell me they think they’re better, I’d admit: you probably ARE! If not for real, certainly in your mind. Perhaps in my mind? This is because I realize there are many different logical and illogical ways we measure self-worth.
You may think you’re better out of anger or because you persevered through something huge. Maybe you worked real hard through college while those around you wasted time, so now you have a better job. You rationalize betterment due to a selfless act, or philanthropy.
But how you measure success is not how others do, necessarily.
You may have been TOLD you’re better! Hey, that could be an indicator of great parenting!
I wholeheartedly believe it is a parent’s job to PROGRAM their child with knowledge designed to help them (not hinder them). Narcissism or life-propelling confidence? That’s up to whether children are indoctrinated as great or taught they must earn it.
Some think inherited money makes them better, while others call it family-sponsored welfare: putting money aside so your dependents never have to beg uncle Sam for help. Not anywhere near being self-made, but self made after an initial bit of charity.
You may in fact BE BETTER.
The sad fact is that society is slowing diminishing the praise once bestowed upon people who worked hard and succeeded.
As the numbers of (intellectually, psychologically, physically) disabled people rose, it seems we were taught that it just wasn’t nice to brag. If the parents gave extra praise to a child, it could possibly cause feelings of worthlessness in the others.
Fifty years ago it was those deemed “less than” that got bullied and picked on. Now it seems that the shining stars are the ones the others “want to take down a notch.”
How can we REALLY determine who is better?
Let’s take Irish abolitionist Daniel O’Connor, who Frederick Douglass was speaking of when he said, “I heard my master curse him, and therefore I loved him.” Like many abolitionists, he stood for justice during a lawless and dangerous era. Does that not make him better?
How about Olympian Michael Phelps, who represents athletes working hard for physiques that will win bragging rights for America. Now compare him to all those with diabetes or high blood pressure and still won’t eat right TO SAVE THEIR OWN LIFE. Isn’t someone with that much self-control and restraint, BETTER than those without it?
“Better” is merely part of your personal reality. What you have been programmed to believe. A set of rules that parents teach about people, the world, what ought to be.
This illogical and individually customizable hierarchy in the minds of millions – helps explain why our country is divided and NOT GETTING ANY BETTER.
We gauge ourselves, our failures, or accomplishments against that which we know about others, forgetting they have cards that are still face down.
Think of people like cell phones. We all have 100 app capacity, but our owners don’t program us with all 100, only the apps they think are necessary. Some utilize full capacity: 100 apps. The 50 app phones can be useful, but only for specific tasks. That’s working with a handicap: half as much ABILITY as the one you are expected to compete with.
This week’s writing was sparked after I was AGAIN accused of thinking I am better. If you knew me, you would know I don’t think I’m better than anyone.
To judge who’s better you must understand the idiosyncrasies that make me, ME.
What I’ve lived through. How I believe in TABULA RASA. We all have our beliefs and most of the time they were installed in us just like apps.
A large proportion of Americans were taught FAITH, but I was taught that church was the first form of government. My INTERNAL JUDGE doesn’t shame me so I do judge people and I am sometimes envious.
As a matter of fact I have become increasingly angry over the last couple of years, when I come across one of the “old boy” types that preach that we were all created equal. These types would never neglect or mistreat a car for the first 18 years and then enter it in a race EXPECTING it to keep up with the rest?
C’mon car, your impairments are in your engine, not wheels- go, go!
That would be ludicrous to think, right?
Sometimes we ARE BETTER in the context of better than I was before. Better than I could be, better than my parent was. Better than that thief, addict, or abuser that lives up the street.
We all have the things we have persevered through, and the closeness of US to OUR OWN tragedy makes us feel as if it is our own war. We triumphed, we are the champion. The BEST.
Am I better because I raised my own children while many I knew opted to let their mother do it for them?
Are you better because you “did it the right way” while I had children out of wedlock?
Are people who won the parent lottery better than the CRAZY ones who were bullied, sexually abused, or scapegoated as children, now lacking the confidence it takes to compete with the lucky HAPPY people?
NO.
“BETTER” is quantitative and qualitative. Interpretive. Subjective. Above all else: everyone can evolve to be BETTER.
