UNITED STATES—I used to think I knew my limit, but as I’ve aged, I don’t know what my limit is anymore when it comes to having just too much on my plate. For the past month, I have been keeping a tally of my ability to sleep and when I say that I mean it. I have literally gone 3 weeks without any sort of ample sleep. I get in bed at night after coming home from work, but I simply toss and turn all night.

I wish for the life of me, I could figure out what the problem is. Is it my anxiety that just keeps me up 24/7 worried about things that I shouldn’t worry about? Yes, I know you can only control what I can control, but my brain just works overtime and that is the problem. I wish I had an on and off switch, that I could just turn off at times. Why? It would allow me to reboot and reflect on what matters and what doesn’t.

Being honest, I’m tired America and when I say that I mean it. Mentally, physically, emotionally I have reached a limit, where I feel like any day now, I’m going to crash and I fear about the recovery process. I’m not just going to bounce back in a day, a week, a month, a year, its seriously going to take me a moment to get my footing back. I have to keep reminding myself I’m not in my 20s anymore, I used to pull all-nighters like eating popcorn. I can’t do that anymore, and perhaps the most important thing I’ve discovered about myself, is that I’m not someone who works well at night. I’m an early bird riser.

I get up early and I get to work right away. That is probably because when I got my first actual job, I worked early mornings. My weekends started at 5 a.m. and the day didn’t stop for work till about 4 or 5 p.m. I did that for years, at least 15 years with no break. So that is all my body knew. So, I started to train it to not go that long, but the days are still long. Get up, start work, go to school, go back to work, get home, try to sleep and start it all over again.

I don’t know what the word vacation means, because it’s not a vacation if you’re not truly on vacation if you work or don’t take the time to decompress. I told myself I just have to take an escape. Go somewhere, leave the phone behind or turn it off and just soak up the sun, enjoy the water or just connect with nature and try my best to forget about all my worries.

As great as that sounds, it just doesn’t feel like a reality. I want peace more than anything. I want sleep more than anything. How the world has no idea if I could pay someone or something to get quality sleep I would absolutely do it in a heartbeat. Why? I have reached my limit and surely the time is coming where the burnout will hit, but can I recover from it? That is a question only the universe knows.

Written By Jason Jones